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40 Mega-Dumb Things Our Idiot Kid Brains Misunderstood About the World

By:: Cracked Writers; Brian C. Miller

September 25, 2023

40 Mega-Dumb Things Our Idiot Kid Brains Misunderstood About the World

When I was a kid, I remember my dad driving, and before he would make a turn, a little green arrow indicating left or right would appear on the dashboard with an accompanying clicking sound. What I couldn’t figure out, for the life of me, was how the car knew which way we needed to go next. Of course, actual GPS technology that does do exactly that would become commonplace in cars within my lifetime. But to be honest, I still don't entirely understand how it works. Something with satellites?

My point is, kids are dumb. Really dumb. It’s not their fault, they have basically no context for how the world around them works, which means that the simple things that we take for granted, they’re left to fill in the gaps with their unrestrained imaginations. I have to remember to ask my kid how they think a GPS works — it might end up making more sense than my answer.

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40 The Dodgers Little League Affiliate

Dodgers I THOUGHT MY LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM, THE DODGERS, WERE AFFILIATED WITH THE LOS ANGELES DODGERS... ...I NEVER GOT CALLED UP TO THE BIG CLUB. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

39 Dream Camera

GRACKED.COM WHEN I WAS A KID I THOUGHT DREAM SEQUENCES IN MOVIES WERE FILMED PUTTING A CAMERA INSIDE AN ACTOR'S EAR I ASSUMED THAT WAS HOW THEY RECORDED THEIR IMAGINATION — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

38 A Full Poltergeist

When l was 5, I noticed that my hair would get stuck to the TV screen when l got close to it. That led to me to believe that I would get sucked into TV Land if l sat too close to the TV for too long. That's probably why I'm not a scientist today. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

37 The Cloud Factory

CRACKED COM I THOUGHT THEIR PURPOSE WAS TO MAKE CLOUDS AND so I CALLED THEM CLOUD FACTORIES. — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

36 The Ol' Kissing Seed

Sex Ed at 5 (Years old) Magic happens here! I thought baby-making began by a male transfering his plant-like seed to the female's belly, which required a long, movie-like kiss. CRACKED.COM ...And the penis? Just to urinate (duh). — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

35 The Dreaded, Deadly Wunk

When I was little, I thought a fork was a utensil with four points. Naturally, it meant I had to teach this to my own kids. And also that a dessert fork is a threek. A meat server was, of course, a tewk. And an ice pick was the deadly wunk. GRAGKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

34 When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

When it came to sex, I wasn't real clear on CAUSE and EFFECT. I thought the man somehow sensed he was about to climax, so he better get with his woman fast! GRACKED COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

33 Eyes in the Back of Her Head

My mom told me she had eyes in the back of her head, and I believed her because she always seemed to know what I was doing. I spent a lot of time looking under her hair, trying to find them. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

32 "Pink Olive"

I WAS AFRAID OF PULLING BACK MY FORESKIN, SPECIALLY WHILE PEEING. I THOUGHT IT WAS THE ONLY THING HOLDING THIS PINK OLIVE INSIDE ATTACHED TO MY PENIS, AND THAT IT WOULD TRAGICALLY FALL DOWN THE TOILET -FOREVER LOST- IF I PULLED BACK TOO FAR. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

31 Child Logic Involves a Lot of "Guys Who Work Inside Things"

I thought that there was a person who worked CRACKED.COM inside the ATM and gave out the cash that you requested. — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

30 Outgrowing Your Sibling

I couldn't wait to be older than my big sister so I could tease and bully her just like she did to me. I used to think that one day my sister would stop aging and I'd be the bigger brother. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

29 Honestly? This Makes Sense.

C+ GRACKED.COM Way back in my first year of elementary school, 1 was sure grades went from A to 2, and each kid would get a different letter depending on how they did compared to the others. Needless to say, I was so proud of my first C... my parents weren't. — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

28 King Kong's Damage

When I was first told that the Empire State Building wasn't the tallest building in the world anymore, I thought this was because King Kong had damaged it. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

27 Open House Logic

I assumed open houses were inhabited homes. And those OPEN people were making it easy HOUSE for burglars to break in. GRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

26 That's... one way to play guitar

When I was in school, I thought guitar notes were made by holding down the strings you didnt want to make sound... I Washburn 16 20 and you played higher pitched songs by turning the tuning keys. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

25 Swinging to Space

I was afraid of swinging too high. I thought I would go flying into the sky and eventually off into outer space. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

24 Moths & Butterflies

I BELIEVED THAT MOTHS WERE BUTTERFLIES AT NIGHT. MY OLDER SISTER CONVINCED ME THAT BUTTERFLIES ONLY HAVE THEIR COLORS DURING THE DAY, AND THAT MOTHS ARE WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN. GRAGKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

23 Satanic Dragonball Z Ritual

Myfriends: and I used to believe that it was possible to generate the Spirit Bomb like in Dragon BallZ. We'd form a circle, raise both hands in the air, and wait for it. We weren't aware that it looked like children performing a Satanic ritual. GRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

22 House Swap Scenario

CRACKED.COM When my parents bought their first house, I was under the impression that the purchase would include all the belongings of the previous owners, including their kids' expensive toys and gadgets. Kind of like a house swap scenario. What a disappointment that was. — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

21 Not The Actual Moon

Ithought that when the moon appeared during the day... GRACKED.COM It wasn't the actual moon. It was just its reflection on the blue sky while it was on the other side. — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

20 The Two Genders (Cat & Dog)

AS A KID, I THOUGHT ALL DOGS WERE MALE AND ALL CATS WERE FEMALE. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

19 It's a perfect action movie line

CRACKED.COM I thought that Your boss if you got would fired from literally set your job you on fire — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

18 Santa is coming... to town

My parents told me not to accept candy or toys from strangers because a lot of kids were taken away from their homes that way. 5' NORTH POLE POLICE DEPARTMENT That's why I believed Santa was up to no good. GRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

17 Just Takin' an Orange Raw

I didn't know that you were supposed to peel oranges before eating them. I refused to eat oranges for years, thinking they were bitter and chewy. GRACKED COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

16 A Literal Market

ONCE I THOUGHT A BLACK MARKET LOOKED LIKED A FLEA MARKET SECRETLY SET UP SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU COULD BUY ALL SORTS OF STOLEN GOODS AND MILITARY STUFF. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

15 Bats Get Stuck In Your Hair FOREVER

As a child, I believed that when bats were flying around at dusk, you must go inside because they would fly into your hair and get stuck, FOREVER! The only way to get them out was to shave your entire head. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

14 Hockey Camp

As a child, when I heard that NHL training camps had started, I thought the players all went camping in the woods and practiced hockey on frozen ponds. CRACKED COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

13 R-Rated Movies

I believed that if someone caught me watching an R-rated movie, I'd go to jail. GO TO JAIL CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

12 The Pre-Color Age of Humanity

CRACKED.COM I THOUGHT BLACK AND WHITE FILMS CAME FROM A TIME WHEN COLORS WEREN'T INVENTED YET. — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

11 Digging For Puppies

I SAW MY DOG TAKE HER PUPPIES OUT OF A HOLE IN THE BACKYARD. FROM THEN ON, I THOUGHT > DOGS DUG AROUND THE DIRT TO FIND THEIR BABIES. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

10 The Grocery Store Radio Guy

في I used to think every store had a room where someone was playing the music over the intercom. , I actually thought this until I , got a job in a grocery store and , asked my boss about it. و GRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

9 The Park & Ride

GRACKED.COM When I was a kid, I thought PARK & RIDE NEXT RIGHT EXIT ONLY . - a Park & Ride was a park with a fun ride inside it. — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

8 Taking Your Teeth Out

GRACKED.COM I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't pop my teeth out the way my grandmother could. — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

7 Books By Hand

I thought every single book was produced manually by hand. I even imagined a school where they taught students how to write perfectly. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

6 Gum in Your Guts Forever

I believed if I swallowed chewing gum, it would get stuck in my guts forever. CRACKED.COM — Source: 28 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 1

5 Digging a Hole to China

When I was little, I truly believed that you could dig a hole to China. My brother and I spent 4 hours digging in hopes of finding Jackie Chan. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

4 Witches Reading Minds

When I was a kid I was sure that there were witches CRACKED.COM trying to read my mind... So I kept trying to have incoherent thoughts so they wouldn't be able to pinpoint them. I might have given myself ADD. — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

3 The Traffic Light Guy

GRACKED.COM I used to believe that every traffic light was operated by a hidden guy whose job it was to watch a timer and flip a switch. — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

2 Toy Story Ruined Our Brains

I thought my toys had emotions, so I tried to play with them all equally so they didn't get jealous of each other or get their feelings hurt. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

1 Living Like a Ninja Turtle

I was sure that I could live in the sewers, as I thought they EXIT were a series of underground tunnels and chambers. CRACKED.COM — Source: 27 Things You Completely Misunderstood As A Child, Part 2

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