If Video Game Marketing Was Honest

By:
If Video Game Marketing Was Honest

Marketing has always been deceptive, so why would video game ads try telling the truth? Plenty of games don't need to use underhanded tactics to push sales, using the strength of their titles to entice consumers, but not every game can be "Spider-Man: Miles Morales." In fact, statistically speaking, most games do not feature accurate web-swinging through a painstakingly detailed rendering of a version of NYC that has more cybernetically enhanced mobsters than Starbucks'. No, the sad truth is that in order to grab an audience you need to promote your game with everything other than actual gameplay, and once they have those customers keep them there by any means necessary. At this point we have to ask ourselves: do these companies actually want to make a product that can stand on its own, or do they just want access to another medium that can be used to hawk NFTs?

Also, do we really still need two versions of every Pokemon game?

 

 

Download Sizes

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST DOWNLOAD SIZES YEAH, WE COULD OPTIMIZE OUR GAME... DOWNLOAD TIME 06:43:21 BUT IT'S EASIER TO FORCE A ЧО GIG DOWNLOAD FOR EVERY TITLE AND MAKE YOU PLAY SOPHIE'S CHOICE WITH YOUR OWN LIBRARY. CRACKED.COM

Artists

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST ARTISTS OUR LATEST TITLE WAS CREATED WHO WE FORCED WITH LOVE FROM THE TO WORK LONG HOURS BEST ARTISTS IN FOR LITTLE PAY SO THE BUSINESS... WE COULD SHOVE IT OUT THE DOOR AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. WAKE UP, KEVIN! GRACKED.COM

Pre-Orders

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST PRE-ORDERS BUY YOUR PLACE IN OUR VIRTUAL QUEUE BEFORE THE GAME IS RELEASED AND ULTIMATELY GETS SAVAGELY EVISCERATED BY THE REVIEWS! A GAME ISN'T REALLY DONE UNTIL AFTER THE DAY ONE PATCH, RIGHT? 0 CRACKED.COM

Game Footage

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST GAME FOOTAGE THIS EPIC CINEMATIC WAS MADE BY A SEPARATE TEAM THAT HAS NO IDEA SPOILER ALERT: WHAT THIS GAME EVEN IS! IT'S ANOTHER REAL-TIME STRATEGY POINT-AND-CLICK! GRACKED.COM

NFT Games

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST NFT GAMES WELCOME TO YOU CAN TOTALLY THE LATEST ITERATION SELL YOUR IN-GAME OF THIS GRIFT! NFTS TO OTHER COLLECTORS BUT REALLY YOU'LL JUST END UP BUYING YOUR OWN SO YOU CAN MAKE THEM SEEM MORE VALUABLE TO OTHER SUCKERS. JUST LIKE REAL NFTS! CRACKED.COM

Freemium Games

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST FREEMIUM GAMES GO AHEAD, THE GAME IS COMPLETELY FREE TO DOWNLOAD! I'LL JUST USE PSYCHOLOGICAL MANIPULATION TO CATCH BIG SPENDING WHALE PLAYERS AND LEAN ON THEIR ADDICTIVE PERSONALITIES SO THEY'LL RAID THEIR KID'S COLLEGE FUND TO BUY ME A NEW HAT! TEE НЕЕ! CRACKED.COM

Open World

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST OPEN WORLD THAT IS 90% EMPTY SPACE AND A FEW WE MADE CENTRAL LOCATIONS THE MOST GIGANTIC, WHERE THE GAME ENORMOUS, COLOSSAL, ACTUALLY HAPPENS. MASSIVE, IMMEASURABLE WORLD TO EXPLORE... CRACKED.COM

Pokemon

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST POKEMON AND IT RELEASING TWO MAKES EVEN VERSIONS OF THE LESS SENSE SAME GAME DIDN'T NOW... MAKE SENSE 25 YEARS AGO BUT WE'RE STILL GOING TO DO IT, SO START COLLECTING 'EM ALL. CRACKED.COM

Paid Promotions

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST PAID PROMOTIONS WHAT'S UP GAMERS?! I WAS GIVEN TWICE BECAUSE BRAND YOUR YEARLY INCOME RECOGNITION IS MORE TO SHOUT OVER THIS IMPORTANT THAN GAME LIKE A HUNDRED ACTUAL QUALITY! OTHER CONTENT CREATORS TO FORCE IT INTO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS CRACKED.COM

Industry Practices

IF VIDEO GAME MARKETING WAS HONEST INDUSTRY PRACTICES WE KNOW OUR DON'T BE METHODS ARE SHADY SILLY! AND BORDERLINE CRIMINAL. TO HATE YOU, BUT THAT'S WE WOULD HAVE TO NOT BECAUSE WE THINK OF YOU AS HATE YOU. PEOPLE FIRST. CRACKED.COM

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