The 10 Best Dark Humor Jokes from George Carlin

‘There is something refreshingly ironic about people lying on the beach contracting skin cancer in an attempt to acquire a purely illusory appearance of good health, while germ-laden medical waste washes up on the sand all around them’

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Published: March 26, 2023
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Don’t Worry: The Other Person Hates Themselves During Awkward Small Talk, Too

Is there really that much to say about the weather anyway?

Authors: By Lauren Vinopal
Published: March 26, 2023
Comments: 0

The Funniest Cults Lurking in Comedies

The good part about cults is getting to make fun of them

Authors: By Zanandi Botes
Published: March 26, 2023
Comments: 0

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11 Entertainers Who Were Weekend-at-Bernie's'd for Too Long

Take off that oxygen mask and recite these lines, Brando!

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Published: March 26, 2023
Comments: 0

The Best ‘Simpsons’ Episode for Every Simpsons Family Member

They are the very family that makes Springfield — and the show — go ‘round

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35 Medical Facts We Wish Weren't True (But Unfortunately Are)

By:: Cracked Writers; Brian C. Miller

April 07, 2022

35 Medical Facts We Wish Weren't True (But Unfortunately Are)

Our bodies are pretty disgusting. We're walking meat sacks with fluids and gunk coursing through them, creating and expelling gasses with all sorts of smells and noises… And that's when everything is operating normally and healthy! When something goes wrong, on the other hand, Mother Nature seems to put it's hand on the “disgusting” dial, turn it all the way to the “10” mark, and not stop until the dial fully snaps off. Fetuses absorbing fetuses, hair growing tumors forming in eyes… The items on this list are a Cronenbergian nightmare movie just waiting to happen.

Human bodies were absolutely a mistake, and we humbly await the future where we can upload our consciousnesses to cold and uncaring computer systems, and maybe live as cool robots or something. Until then, we're stuck with the aforementioned meat sacks, and all of the farts and burps and chewing and growths that come with it. Ick.

35 Jawbone in the Eye

FISH JAWBONE IN THE EYE 2015 CRACKED.COM Doctors were perplexed to discover this cause of the man's swollen and droopy eyelid. The bone landed there from when he'd collided with a school of fish, swimming in the Red Sea. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

34 I'm starting with the man in the mirror...

AN IMPOSTOR IN THE MIRROR. LITERALLY. 2015 CRACKED.COM With Capgras Syndrome, you think all your loved ones have been replaced by impostors. One Frenchman caught an extreme version: Не thought his reflection was a stranger spying on him. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

33 Didn't need to see this one

HAIR SPROUTED FROM AN EYE 2013 CRACKED.COM It's called limbal dermoids, a type of tumor. One guy had one of these from birth, till he got it removed at 19 since it was messing with his vision. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

32 "Retained Surgical Items"

Every year in the US at least 4,000 items are left inside patients after surgery. In the medical world it is known as retained surgical items. GRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

31 This makes sense? We guess?

Think all poop stinks? Not to your mother. Scientists found that when mothers sniffed and rated various samples of baby poop, they reported that poop from their own babies smelled less nasty. It actually makes sense. If mothers are less disgusted by their own children, they'll take better care of them. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

30 The mystery of left boobs

CRACKED.COM Soldiers in an elite German unit are growing left breasts. w on m 123 In their drill, they're hitting that side of their chests with rifles over and over, and that seems to be making breast tissue grow. Scientists just aren't sure how. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

29 Your eyes know how to breathe!

Like any other organ, a cornea needs oxygen to function but has no blood vessel to supply it. To make up for it, it gets oxygen directly from the air. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

28 See? Gaming isn't for nothing

Chronic gamers make excellent surgeons. GRACKED.COM According to a 2007 study of students training to become surgeons, long time gamers performed up to 47% better on screen assisted surgeries than non-gamers. Remember this when it is time for a colonoscopy. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

27 3 kidneys!

Doctors don't replace your kidney, during a kidney transplant. They add a third one, and transplant in a new ureter to hook it up. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

26 Brain Age

Women's brains are four years younger compared to men who are of the same age. According to researchers this is due to an unexplained slower brain metabolism rate, and could also be the reason why women can stay mentally sharp as they age. CRACKED COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

25 Alcohol prescriptions are real

Hospitals can prescribe alcohol to alcoholic patients! Edi AA ROYAL ALEXANDRA HOSPITALS ETHANOL 40% (45ML) ROYAL ALEXANDRA HOSPITALS ROYAL ALEXANDRA HOSPITAL ETHANOL 48% 1451 (VODKA) ETHANOL 40% (45ML) (VODKA) (VODKA) MANAGED ALCOHOL PROGRAM MANAGED ALCOHOL PROGR MANEG ALCOHOL PROGRAM STORE AT ROOM TEMPERATURE STORE AT ROOM TEMPEROD STORE AT ROOM TEMPERATURE FOR ORAL USE FOR ORAL USE FOR ORAL USE TREE ORANGE TREE FOR a CHU FOR ORAL USE FAT FOR ORAL ONLY ONLY Beer, alcoholic beverages, and IV alcohol is often given to alcoholics before anesthesia to help patients tolerate procedures and help with withdrawal. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

24 Your tongue print is individual

CRACKED.COM Everyone has their own fingerprints. But your tongue also has a one-of-a-kind print. Because of its uniqueness, the tongue could be used in biometric scans or forensic dentistry as an identification tool in the future. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

23 The Liver is Magic

Your liver has a superhuman ability to regrow. Donor Recipient ©2016 The liver can grow back its full size even after 75% of it is removed. When you donate your liver, the donated part will grow back to full size in the host's body; yours will too. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

22 Dem baby bones

Most of us know that an adult skeleton has 206 bones, but did you know... that we are born with over 300 bones? As we grow, some bones fuse together, many in the skull and pelvis. CRACKED COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

21 Cats: They're just like us

Humans are genetically closer to cats than dogs. We share 90% of our DNA with cats, but only 84 % with dogs. Considering that most people would rather sleep all day than socialize and play outdoors, this really doesn't come as a big surprise. GRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

20 "Bagel-Related Injuries"

2000 people a year are treated for BRIs or bagelrelated-injuries. CRACKED.COM People going to the emergency room from hurting themselves while cutting a bagel is so common it has its own name. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

19 Why you have sweaty feet

GRAGKED.COM The highest number of sweat glands are found on the soles of your feet. With 250,000 glands, it's no surprise that your feet stink! — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

18 Fetus' got your back, bro

GRACKED COM If a woman's heart tissue is damaged during pregnancy, her fetus will send stem cells to repair it. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

17 Hickeys can cause strokes?

A HICKEY GAVE A WOMAN A STROKE. 20 2010 21 mm CRACKED.COM Days after a make-out session, a 44-year-old Maori woman found her arm getting weaker. Turned out a love bite had created a blood clot, which traveled to her head and led to a stroke. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

16 Sudoku Seizures

SUDOKU-INDUCED SEIZURES 2015 1 4 7 I 3 9 2 O 2 8 I H 5 3 7 8 5 9 3 1 4 CRACKED.COM w A man got trapped in an avalanche, which cut off oxygen for 15 minutes. Afterward, he got a seizure every time he tried Sudoku puzzles. Doctor's advice? Stop doing Sudokus. That worked. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

15 Ol' Corkscrew Gullet

A GULLET SHAPED LIKE A CORKSCREW 2003 CRACKED.COM A woman didn't know her esophagus was shaped so oddly until she was 89 and went to the doctor, complaining she burped too much (and her chest hurt, and it hurt to swallow). — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

14 Green Blood?

A GUY'S BLOOD TURNED GREEN 2007 CRACKED.COM It's called sulhemoglobinemia, and it happens when sulfur binds to the hemoglobin that carries oxygen in (formerly) red blood cells. The cause for this man: too much migraine medication. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

13 Babies Having Babies

A BABY PREGNANT WITH TWO BABIES 2015 CRACKED.COM Technically, they were absorbed siblings, not her children. But doctors were still pretty freaked out to see the Hong Kong newborn with two fetuses between her liver and kidney. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

12 The 60 Year Old Fetus

PREGNANT FOR 60 YEARS 2015 CRACKED.COM A Chilean woman carried a fetus for 60 years. Well, a calcified fetus, not a living one. It caused discomfort but was too risky to remove, so doctors told the 91-year-old to just let it be. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

11 No smelling while sleeping

we lose our sense OF smell When we sleep. GRACKED.GOV — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

10 Fingernails vs Toenails

GRACKED.COM If you lose a fingernail in an accident, it'll take about 6 months to grow back. But it will take three times as long if you lose a toenail in an accident. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

9 The secret to a bigger penis (your arm skin)

Guys: Doctors can take skin from your forearm and use it to increase the size of your penis. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

8 Redheads and pain

Redheads are more sensitive to pain than people with brown, black, or blond hair. As a result, they require 20 percent more anesthesia than average to get sedated for surgery. GRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

7 The brain in your stomach

Humans have a second brain, and it's located CRACKED.COM in our guts. A neural network comprised of 100 million neurons in our digestive tract is responsible for our mood. Suddenly, gut feeling makes more sense. — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

6 Science is amazing. And Gross.

There's a thing as fecal transplantation. Fecal transplantation is done to replenish the bacteria normally found in the intestines that have been destroyed by antibiotics or a disease. The procedure is done by infusion of feces from a donor through colonoscopy or by swallowing pills. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **30 Medical Facts You'll Swear Are B.S. (But Aren't)**

5 Too Many Hiccups

HICCUPS LASTED THREE YEARS 2010 CRACKED.COM Chris Sands starred in a documentary about the hiccups, and they diagnosed him with ... a brain tumor. Не was lucky; without the hiccups, the tumor might have grown undetected and killed him. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

4 Thanks, water!

SURFING RIPPED OUT AN EYE GROWTH 2014 CRACKED.COM A 61-year-old had a pterygium, fibrous tissue over the eye. Не surfed in Hawaii, dipped his face in the water while riding a 30-foot wave, and the water ripped the growth out. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

3 Sleep is, like, really important

A TODDLER DIDN'T SLEEP, EVER 2009 CRACKED.COM Rhett Lamb suffered from a rare condition called chiari malformation, and he never slept, no matter how tired he got. Lucky for him (and his parents), surgery fixed it. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

2 Your heart doesn't need to beat, we guess?

A HEART THAT DOES NOT BEAT 2011 CRACKED.COM We've had artificial hearts of various designs for decades. But Craig Lewis has a continuous pump, not a rhythmic one. That means he has no pulse. Turns out you don't need one. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

1 No pain? Lots of problems.

A GIRL WAS BORN UNABLE TO FEEL PAIN 2018 CRACKED.COM Sounds fun? Not really. Gabby Gingras has suffered all kinds of injuries as a result, knocking out her teeth, mangling her fingers, and then losing vision in one eye after knocking her head. — **Source:** **14 Medical Oddities To Give You Nightmares**

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