"The world is not a wish-granting factory. There's no magic lamp or genie that'll make everything alright. It's not that easy, and anyone who says differently is full of it. But sometimes you can find a loophole."

This was one of those loopholes. A small crack that led down into the earth, a place where a man could escape his reality. It would never last forever, but while it lasted…he was free. He could be himself here. No one would know him or judge him for what he wanted. 

And he had found this cave when he was young. The first time, there had been a small hole at the back. A tiny opening that he crawled into. His mother had never even noticed.

Somehow, at the back of the cave, there was something really odd. It was a list of fifteen facts carved into the rock, and as it happened, that list went ...

Bitcoin mining replaces coal mining in Montana, helping no one.

CO2 emissions soared when a dying coal plant was revived by Bitcoin miners. B CRACKED.COM The death of the Montana coal mine would have been an environmental win, a small but noteworthy victory in the effort to avoid disastrous climate change, but then the Bitcoins bros showed up.

The Guardian 

A metal-singing cockatoo surprised its new owner.

Buyers-remorse hit a man who is now the owner of a cockatoo that sings Drowning Pool. CRACKED.COM After purchasing a cockatoo on craigslist, TikTokker Bödan was surprised to find out that it loved to vocalize the Drowning Pool song Bodies, in which the titular bodies hit the floor.

Louder Sound 

Tourists thought they could bring a bomb they found on vacation through the airport.

American tourists tried to bring an unexploded bomb through Tel Aviv airport security. CRACKED COM They weren't trying to hide it; the couple declared the bomb to security, and airport staff announced an evacuation. Video shows people panicking, running behind pillars, and cowering on the ground.

CNN 

The police in Florida are urging people to shoot at home intruders.

Homeowners in Florida are being encouraged by one sheriff to shoot burglars who enter their homes. DIEBOLA BURGLAR ALARM CRACKED.COM After a criminal was put in custody after his 18th B&E, a sheriff said that If somebody is breaking into your house, you're more than welcome to shoot at them in Santa Rosa County. We prefer that you do, actually.

News Observer 

A senior citizen volunteered at the local police station, and started selling drugs.

A Florida police volunteer was arrested for selling drugs straight out of his patrol vehicle. - San Days Heron - POLICE NECT CRACKED.COM 69-year-old David Roberts was getting 90 Oxydone pills a month for the past two years and selling them for $10 apiece, while in uniform.

 Fox 13 

A woman married her cat so they could live together.

A woman married her pet cat in a bid to stop future landlords from separating them. GRAGKED.COM Deborah Hodge, 49, claims she has previously been forced to rehome three animals by landlords who did not allow pets in their properties.

Wales Online

The daughter of a Florida sheriff was arrested for meth trafficking.

A sheriff arrested his own daughter for meth trafficking, saying no one is exempt. GRACKED.COM Methamphetamine does not discriminate and neither do we, the Florida sheriff wrote in a post on the department's Facebook page. It does not matter who you are, no one is immune or exempt.

KY3 

Cereal for orange juice is finally here.

Tropicana created a cereal designed to be mixed with orange juice instead of milk. CRACKED.COM Tropicana Crunch is described on the box as a honey almond cereal, and is touted as the first-ever breakfast cereal created to pair with Tropicana Pure Premium.

Econo Times

Texas wants Disney to relocate to avoid authoritarianism in Florida.

A Texas judge called Florida authoritarian and anti-business, and invited Disney World to relocate. CRACKED.COM The Lone Star State judge JP George also cited culture war attacks from extremists in Florida in his invitation to the most magical place on Earth.

WFLA 

A school board member is being asked to resign for posting porn on Facebook.

A school board member advocating for abstinence accidentally posted a link to porn on Facebook. GRACKED.COM Darbi Boddy objects to sexual education content which she claims is already found in Ohio schools, and she posts links to such sites as examples of what she would find objectionable.

Fox 19 

A Red Hot Chili Peppers fan accidentally bought tickets to see a cover band.

A Red Hot Chili Peppers fan is upset he accidentally bought tickets to a cover band, the Red NOT Chili Peppers. Pearl CRACKED COM The fan thought he was lucky to see tickets for a RHCP show for under $20, and blames slick advertising for his confusion over the band's name.

Metro Times 

Volunteers drank dysentery smoothies to help scientists.

A 26-year-old drank a dysentery smoothie to help scientists develop a vaccine. GRACKED.COM The cloudy, salty liquid gave Jake Eberts life-threatening diarrhea, all in the name of science. Eberts was paid $7,000 for the worst eight hours of  life.

Insider 

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