15 Of The Nuttiest Reports From Recent News

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15 Of The Nuttiest Reports From Recent News

The news, can't live with it, can't … oh well, whatever. The point is that the news is always a mixed bag. Sometimes it's encouraging and hopeful and sometimes it's a soul-crushing automaton from which there is seemingly no escape. But actually, there's a third category of the news, which is what we'll be talking about today.

We're going to have a look at the nutty and weird, which is the stuff of late-night monologue hilarity and prime escapism. So c'mon along and let's get weird.

If there ever is such a thing as the human truth, it must exist only at the periphery of this vast sphere. The center remains opaque and unreachable. And yet in some small nook, people gather to tell stories, which in some form or another are always the same. These stories contain the common experiences of life: pain, love, anger, loss, triumph, fear... the splendor of emotional life.

A cat is reunited with its owners several states away after 7 years.

WEIRD WORLD A cat makes a cross-country voyage to reunite with its owners after 7 years missing. Joe and Leanna Drnec lost their cat, Ebi, before moving from California to Tennessee in 2015. Seven years later, animal services got in contact with the Drnec's after running Ebi's microchip, and she was taken half-way across the country to be returned. CRACKED.COM

Source: Toronto Sun 

A mummified mermaid is worshiped in Japan.

WEIRD WORLD A temple in Japan worships a 300-year-old mummified mermaid. Enjuin temple in the city of Asakuchi worship the foot-long creature, that has the top half of an ape-like creature and the bottom half of a fish. The head priest says they hoped that it would help alleviate the coronavirus pandemic CRACKED.COM even if only slightly.

Source: Yahoo 

A Halloween decoration was put in the passenger seat to use the carpool lane.

WEIRD WORLD A Washington state driver used a fake skeleton in reflective gear to use the HOV lane. Buckled into the passenger seat, the Halloween decoration almost blended in on I-405 near Coal Creek, but there was no fooling State Trooper Rick Johnson who posted the incident to Twitter. CRACKED.COM

Source: MYNorthwest 

Only canine support animals are allowed on planes.

WEIRD WORLD A crackdown on emotional support animals on airplanes means peacocks and turkeys stay grounded. The federal government is enacting a new rule restricting the types of service animals allowed on commercial airline flights, allowing only dogs that meet specific training criteria. CRACKED.COM

Source: NPR 

IBM executive called his older workers “dinobabies.”

WEIRD WORLD An IBM executive is in hot water for calling older workers dinobabies. The dinobabies, who the high-level executive said should go extinct, were called out over an internal message. The dinobabies were accused of not understanding social or engagement, and for not being digital natives. CRACKED.COM

Source: ARS Technica

Get saucy with the Queen.

WEIRD WORLD Queen Elizabeth is launching her own line of sauces. The condiments in the new line from the Queen include Tomato Sauce (ketchup) and Brown Sauce (steak sauce), and are about three times the cost of non-royal alternatives. But if you want to pay peasant prices, you get peasant CRACKED.COM sauces.

Source: Foodsided 

Man transports reptiles over the border in his clothes.

WEIRD WORLD A man was caught trying to cross the border with over 50 reptiles hidden in his clothes. U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agents found 52 live reptiles tied up in small bags which were concealed in the man's jacket, pants pockets, and groin area. No word on how big his trouser snake was. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP News 

Online safety leader also threatened a journalist on Twitter.

WEIRD WORLD Politician who pushed to curb online abuse also tweeted a threat to nail a journalist's privates. Nadine Dorries oversees the UK's new online safety plan. In 2013, Dorries said to a reporter, Be seen within a mile of my daughters and I will nail your balls to the floor... using your own front teeth. CRACKED.COM

Source: The Verge 

Local trash panda attends college.

WEIRD WORLD LSU students got a visit from a very special guest when a raccoon fell through the ceiling of the dining hall: Video of the incident showed the raccoon running between tables, then climbing onto a chair and looking around. It's reported that the mischievous critter will be in student loan debt for the rest of its life. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP News 

Misappropriation of funds is an understatement.

WEIRD WORLD A hit-man in Florida was hired using a Pandemic Relief loan. Jasmine Martinez used the federal Paycheck Protection Program to put out a hit on a rival who had dated her ex-boyfriend. Martinez applied for the loan to help her single-employee beauty salon, and then took $10,000 out to hire CRACKED.COM a gunman.

Source: NY Post 

Cyclists are throwing pee at each other.

WEIRD WORLD Bicycle racing has gotten so tough that competitors have begun peeing on each other. OD de LHANDRA ASPAR edib TRANO ORBE Professional cyclist Peter Sagan says that pee breaks during a race just don't exist anymore. They just piss in the middle of the pack, says Sagan, Everyone pees on everyone. Disgusting. CRACKED.COM

Source: Insider 

Hard to imagine a more low speed chase than this.

WEIRD WORLD Police were led on a chase through the Orlando airport by a drunk woman on a motorized suitcase. OUTBACK STEAKROUSE Chelsea Alston was kept from boarding her plane because she appeared to be intoxicated. When officers tried to get her another flight, she began rolling away and yelling profanities. Still want to defund the police NOW? CRACKED.COM

Source: CBS 

A courthouse was shut down due to some ill timed tacos.

WEIRD WORLD A courthouse in Alabama was made aware of suspicious packages, which turned out to be fast food: The Hazardous Device Unit was called out to check into two suspicious packages, setting up a perimeter around the building and blocking adjacent streets. Investigators revealed the packages were Taco and Burrito Cravings Packs from Taco Bell. CRACKED.COM

Source: Today 

When you run out of vacation days, just shove a watermelon under your shirt.

WEIRD WORLD The director of external affairs for Georgia used a prosthetic baby-bump to take a pregnancy leave. Red with Seeds 4.00 Robin Folsom allegedly used a fake belly, had a person claiming to be the father email her work with the birth announcement, and showed pictures of the new baby using photos of children with inconsistent skin tones. CRACKED.COM

Source: Oxygen 

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