21 of the Funniest Tweets from October 4, 2023

Hot dog-style eyes.. nightmare fuel

Authors: By Ian Garner
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

Yesterday Shows Just How Much Trump and Late Night Are Absolutely Made for Each Other

Donald Trump has had a long-standing love affair with late-night comedy

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

29 Reality TV Shows with Very Dark Downsides

Big time yikes

Authors: By Brian C. Miller, Cracked Writers
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 27

John Oliver’s Comedy Career Hit Rock Bottom When He Performed in Between A Stunt Farter and A Professional Puker

Oliver says his lowest moment came when he was upstaged by a man named Mr. Methane

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

29 Celebrity Feuds That Got Serious

Man, these get real

Authors: By Cracked Writers, Brian C. Miller
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 4

44 Interesting Quotes From the Last Sources We Expected

By:: Brian C. Miller; Cracked Writers

September 26, 2023

44 Interesting Quotes From the Last Sources We Expected

“Hey, this is an interesting quote! Who said it? Oh…,” — Us, 644 times

Sometimes things just come out of left field like that. Things and quotes like…

44

CRACKED.COM Somebody said to me, But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, Now, let's write a swimming pool. -Paul McCartney — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

43

BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR CAPE. DON'T USE IT FOR SEXUAL HIGH JINKS. IT CAN GET UGLY -TRUST ME. ALSO. BE CAREFUL WHEN FLUSHING. -ADAM WEST CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

42

As a child, I dragged a dead squirrel home on a skateboard, cut it open and tried to look at its brain. - Jessica Biel GRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

41

IN ORDER TO STABILIZE JACQUES COUSTEAU WORLD POPULATION, WE MUST ELIMINATE 350,000 ALYPSO PEOPLE PER DAY. IT IS A PALAU 33c HORRIBLE THING TO SAY, BUT IT IS JUST AS BAD NOT TO SAY IT. -JACQUES COUSTEAU CRACKED COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

40

Do they think that I am such a damned fool as to think myself fit for President of the United States? No, sir; I know what I am fit for. I can command a body of men in a rough way, but I am not fit to be President. -Andrew Jackson, 7th President CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

39

All I know is that I am not a Marxist. -Karl Marx CRACKED COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

38

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. -Walt Disney CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

37

I do not admit... that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America, or the black people of Australia... by the fact that a stronger race, a higher grade race... has come in and taken its place. This movement among the Jews is not new... this worldwide conspiracy for the overthrow of civilisation and for the reconstitution of society on the basis of arrested development, of envious malevolence, and impossible equality, has been steadily growing. It has been the mainspring of every subversive movement during the 19th century... I do not understand the squeamishness about the — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

36

You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and % fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

35

It's all a big hoax, honey. I never wrote a song in my life. I get one-third of the credit for recording it. It makes me look smarter than I am. I've never even had an idea for a song. Just once, maybe. - Elvis Presley, October 28, 1957 CRACKED COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

34

CRACKED.COM I'm sick to death of people saying we've made 11 albums that sound exactly the same. In fact, we've made 12 albums that sound exactly the same. Angus Young - AC/DC — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

33

The greatest feeling you can get in a gym or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is the pump. It feels fantastic. It's as satisfying to me as cumming is, you know, as in having sex with a woman and cumming. So can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like getting the feeling of cumming in the gym; I'm getting the feeling of cumming at home; I'm getting the feeling of cumming backstage; when I pump up, when I pose out in front of 5000 people I get the same feeling, so — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

32

CRACKED.COM I poop in the backyard... I wear disposable diapers. -David Duchovny — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

31

People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians. George Lucas, 1988 CRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

30

CRACKED.COM They don't call me 'Tyrannosaurus Sex' for nothing! Ted Kennedy, wearing a Barney costume, 1993 Xmas party. — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

29

CRACKED COM People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader. -Steven Seagal — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

28

AS I'l ION WAS. VN THIS is WHITE MANS THE COFERAMENT THE LOST C.A USE WORSE THAN SLAV ERY. WHITE LEAGUE We believe as much in the purity of race as we think they do... We believe also that the white race of South Africa should be the predominating race. -Mahatma Gandhi on the White League GRACKED.COM — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

27

CRACKED COM 45 The swine who stole my dog doesn't realize what he did to me! -Adolf Hitler — Source: 18 Unexpected (and Real) Quotes by Famous Figures

26

Some people have different ways than yours of having fun. You can't judge 'em, you can't dismiss 'em, and you can't say; 'What an idiot, what a fool.' You just have to accept their truth of their harmony with what they wanna do in their heart. As long as it's not hurting anyone. -Gary Busey CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

25

The thing about smart motherfuckers is that, sometimes they sound like crazy motherfuckers to stupid motherfuckers... -Abraham Ford Walking Dead Issue 54 CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

24

Nature can be lethal. But it doesn't hold a candle to man. - Samuel L. Jackson, Deep Blue Sea CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

23

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs. CRACKED. COM STANDARD CN — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

22

If we are all gonna die anyway, shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present ... as some minor insignificant preamble to something else. CRACKED.COM - Dazed and Confused — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

21

This is life, Hank. You know? Shit comes flying at you, and you gotta deal with it. That's what defines you. How you deal with it. You don't get points for wallowing. ~Karen, Californication CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

20

EVERY MAN'S HEART ONE DAY BEATS ITS FINAL BEAT, HIS LUNGS BREATHE THEIR FINAL BREATH. AND IF WHAT THAT MAN DID IN HIS LIFE MAKES THE BLOOD PULSE THROUGH THE BODY OF OTHERS, AND MAKES THEM BLEED DEEPER, THAN SOMETHING LARGER THAN LIFE, THEN HIS ESSENCE, HIS SPIRIT, WILL BE IMMORTALIZED BY THE STORYTELLERS, BY THE LOYALTY, BY THE MEMORY OF THOSE WHO HONOR HIM AND MAKE THE RUNNING THE MAN DID LIVE FOREVER. - THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR - CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

19

CRACKED COM You can choose your family sometimes. You can choose people, it could be a teacher, it could be a professor, it could be someone you work with that actually genuinely cares about you and wants you to succeed. ~Nicholas Cage — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

18

Once we have identified and embraced our sickness, we'll have strength! And that's when we get dangerous. John Waters, The Pope of Trash CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

17

Lustice must be otherwise TTS nothing more Than revenge. tempered with mercy, -Ahrah (Dust: An Elysian Tail) CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

16

I never look back darling, it distracts from the now. Edna Mode, The Incredibles CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

15

CRACKED COM Maybe the best thing to do is just stop trying to figure out where you're going, and just enjoy where you're at J.D. Scrubs episode 208 My Fruit Cup FACRO START EDERITAS - CORANMO AFTESING — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

14

I love you as one loves another person whom one simply cannot do without. You give my life purpose, and maybe that's enough. Because that's just about the greatest gift one friend can give another. STEWiE GRiFFiN CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

13

Nobody likes to change. CRACKED.COM And there's only one thing consistently true. There will be change, and that's just the dilemma of it. There will always be resistance to change, and there always will be change. And the quicker you get to that, the easier it is... BANAN If you entrench yourself and go, 'By God, | will not change. | will not have this.' Then, you're a dead man. Pasop -Nick Nolte CESTO — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

12

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. -BUFFY, 'THE GIFT' WRITTEN BY JOSS WHEDON CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

11

The sexiest thing in the entire world is being REALLY SMART. And being thoughtful. And being generous. EVERYTHING ELSE IS CRAP. 0 promise you. It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. so DON'T BUY IT. Ashton Kutcher CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

10

IF YOU PEOPLE ADMIRE NEVER SOMEBODY GET THE YOU FLOWERS SHOULD WHILE GO AHEAD THEY AND COULD TELL THEM SMELL THEM - KANYE WEST GRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

9

CRACKED COM I hate pride, but if I were going to be proud of anything it would have to be something I'd done myself. And race pride is kind of stupid. -Carroll O'Connor — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

8

CRACKED COM BxM6 I BxM7 Discover BxM9 I - - D JUM Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world-no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe. - Neil Gaiman, The Sandman — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

7

Whenever there is a meeting, a parting is sure to follow. However, that parting need not last forever. Whether a parting be forever or merely for a short time... that is up to you. ~ Happy Mask Salesman, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

6

What the news is feeding us is so different from what is happening. ~ Jenna Jameson CRACKED COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

5

Whoever loves, let him flourish. Let him perish who knows not love. Let him perish twice whoever forbids love. CLOLAVILEV CV -Ancient Pompeii Graffiti CRACKED COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

4

more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. Adolph Hitler, Mein Kampf CRACKED.COM 55 — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

3

| keep hearing this thing that guns don't kill people, but people kill people. If that's the case, why do we give people guns when they go to war? Why not just send the people? CZZY CRACKED.COM OSBOURNE — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

2

HUMAN BEINGS LIKE SUCCESS BUT THEY HATE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE. ...SO SAYETH CARROT TOP CRACKED.COM — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

1

GRACKED.COM It's the media riling up the people, rather than people riling up the media. -Miley — Source: 39 Surprisingly Profound Quotes from Unexpected Sources

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

37 Lessons You Had to Learn the Hard, Painful Way

There are some life lessons that are only learned through white-knuckle terror

Authors: By Cracked Plasticians
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 157

12 All-Star Bits of Trivia We’ve Convinced to Band Together Into One Indomitable Trivial Supergroup

The listicle of a lifetime

Authors: By Jesse
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

Rob Schneider Told Jay Mohr to Cut Al Franken From His ‘SNL’ Sketches

‘You got to switch out Franken,’ Schneider insisted

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

The Celebrities That Got It the Easiest on ‘South Park’

‘South Park’s least scathing parodies of public figures, as selected by the fans

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

30 Eyebrow-Arching Historical Facts

You mean history class could have actually been interesting?

Authors: By Eric B, Cracked Writers
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

13 Funny Jokes and Bits from John Cena

Cena has become our funniest strongman

Authors: By Erik Barnes
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

MUST READ

Yesterday Shows Just How Much Trump and Late Night Are Absolutely Made for Each Other

Donald Trump has had a long-standing love affair with late-night comedy

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0

29 Reality TV Shows with Very Dark Downsides

Big time yikes

Authors: By Brian C. Miller, Cracked Writers
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 27

John Oliver’s Comedy Career Hit Rock Bottom When He Performed in Between A Stunt Farter and A Professional Puker

Oliver says his lowest moment came when he was upstaged by a man named Mr. Methane

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: October 04, 2023
Comments: 0