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31 Greatest Insults From All Of History

By:: Cracked Writers; Timon DJ Spajic

November 01, 2021

31 Greatest Insults From All Of History

Oh, how we miss the past. People not only dressed better but they also delivered sharper insults. Appreciate history's most memorable comebacks, proving that you don't need to use the swear word to make someone feel bad about themselves:

Is there anything more satisfying in this universe than a well-crafted insult? A decent put-down is a unique thing of beauty, something to savor like an exquisite bottle of wine. When someone insults you with the appropriate combination of creativity and humor, you can't get upset. We recommend that you take nothing personally, brochacho. Simply say "sick burn," then walk away.

There have been plenty of jaw-dropping zingers and comebacks in history that have made us say, "Whoa!" We've compiled a list of these few of our favorites. Whenever you're done here, have a look at these. Here are 31 of the most memorable insults and retorts in history. So scroll on down and hold onto your socks.

31

Gilderoy Lockhart is a foppish moron. He was written to make fun of a real person. Lockhart is based on a man J.K. Rowling knew and despised, who was constantly bragging about things that almost certainly never happened. But don't worry, she says. Не will never in a million years dream that he is Gilderoy Lockhart. CRACKED.COM http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2004/0804-ebf.htm — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

30

Yankee Doodle mocks Americans CRACKED COM The song talks about an uppity American shoddily making his own clothes and wrongly thinking he's as good as the British. Later verses openly mock George Washington. It's impressive that America somehow turned this into a patriotic anthem. — 5 Famous Symbols that Were Created to Be Horrible Insults

29

In one Arthur episode, the main cast calls out things about the show that don't make sense. ARTHUR ANDY AND COMPANY The cast watches Andy and Company, an obvious parody of Arthur, and makes complaints like: I'd like to know how a mouse has a pet dog. Wouldn't the dog eat him? Arthur says, Andy's not a mouse, he's a ... something. I forget. Andy, a stand-in for Arthur, is an aardvark just like him. CRACKED.COM — 13 Movies And Shows That Dunked On Themselves

28

CRACKED.COM After proclaiming their intent of going to university. the Irish pop stars, Jedward, got verbally buried by comedian Sean Lock. I think your best chance F at getting into university, is as an exhibit in a jar. — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

27

In 1991, the Beer Lovers' Party took 16 seats in Poland's parliament. But the party was a literal joke. Polish satirist Janusz Rewinski decided that the illusion of revolution should be taken just about as seriously as his drinking problem. Не established the Polish Beer Lovers' Party to reflect that. The party's original platform was to promote drinking beer instead of vodka. Polish voters either admired his audacity or loved the joke - or both. CRACKED.COM http://countrystudies.us/poland/85.htm — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

26

Silicon Valley trolled its own hardcore fans. 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101000 01101111 01100010 01100010 01111001 00100000 01100110 11100100 00100110 IIIIOIIO IIICOITO @@@@@@@@ 01001110 TITTOTTO 10100110 10000110 00000100 11001110 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01 00001 00100000 01100118 @@@@@fee TODIIITO 01000110 01000110 IIIIOITO 00010118 01101111 01110010 00100000 01 11100100 TITIOITO 1110 18 IIDEIIIO 00000100 TROOTTIO 10100110 100 etttette теететте 01100118 00 aa 01 00001 00100000 01800118 11110110 BOOTETTE 110 01/11/001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 111 01101111 01100100 00100111 IIDOITTO @@@@@@@@ 11001110 10100118 петета 100 In the fifth season's trailer, Gavin Belson speaks in front of a — We Found These Killer Movie & TV Jokes So You Don’t Have To

25

CRACKED.COM QUEEN Norman Sheffield QUEEN released the song Death on Two Legs in 1975 dedicated to their ex-manager NORMAN SHEFFIELD for what they felt was mistreatment and abuse. You suck my blood like a leech, You break the law and you breach, Screw my brain til it hurts, You've taken all my money - and you want more. — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

24

William Lloyd T Garrison GRAGKED.COM This anti-slavery advocate didn't think highly of racist businessman politician George Train: Не is as destitute of principle as he is of sense, and is fast gravitating toward a lunatic asylum. Не may be of use in drawing an audience; but so would a kangaroo, a gorilla, or a hippopotamus. — Richmond Daily Dispatch

23

Poe wrote a revenge fantasy CRACKED.COM The Cask of Amontillado is a famous story but is very strange. No reason is given for why the narrator walls up his enemy and kills him. Turns out the victim is based on rival author Thomas Dunn English, who had previously written a story murdering a character based on Poe. — 6 Iconic Works Of Art With Brutal Insults Hidden In Them

22

31 Greatest Insults From All Of History — We Found These Killer Movie & TV Jokes So You Don’t Have To

21

CRACKED.COM Heckler: 'My mum died of cancer.' Jimmy Carr: 'What?' Heckler: 'I only mentioned it because it was funnier than this.' — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

20

The song Valley Girl perfectly captured '80s slang. That Slang was made up on the Spot as an insult. The spoken parts of the song were improvised by Frank Zappa's daughter Moon, who strung nonsense together to make fun of people at her school that she didn't like. Her made-up slang caught on across the country. CRACKED.COM https://youtubeluS44MH3Uts — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

19

CRACKED.COM THESE DAYS THE HOUSE REPUBLICANS ACTUALLY GIVE JOHN BOHNER A HARDER TIME THAN THEY GIVE ME...WHICH MEANS ORANGE REALLY IS THE NEW BLACK - BARACK OBAMA, WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER — 23 Total Mic Drop Insults

18

CRACKED.COM THE CLASSIC ROCK ANTHEM AMERICAN WOMAN BY THE GUESS WHO ISN'T ABOUT AN AMERICAN WOMAN. IT'S A VIETNAM-ERA INDICTMENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND HER RCA AMERICAN WAR W MACHINES. ПРОРАРА P8S-1518 VOTE or GET OUT AR of THE GUESS WHO D VIETNAM VICT ...DON'T COME A-HANGIN' AROUND MY DOOR DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR FACE NO MORE I DON'T NEED YOUR WAR MACHINES I DON'T NEED YOUR GHETTO SCENES... — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

17

Jon Stewart T - CRACKED.COM Stewart reserved his strongest criticism for a matter of great national importance: Chicago deep dish pizza. You know the expression there's no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza? Your pizza is like sex with a corpse made of sandpaper! — The Daily Show

16

Anything can look like deep poetry to Commemorate the Australian Poet Ern Malley GRAGKED.COM A couple Australian poets figured the industry was a joke. So they took some non-poetic texts (like a mosquito breeding grounds report), inserted line breaks, and submitted them as poems. One journal devoted a whole issue to these, which became more popular than anything the pair wrote sincerely. — 6 Parodies That Succeeded Because Nobody Got the Joke

15

Bulwer nauseates me; he is the very pimple of the age's humbug. There is no hope of the public, so long as he retains an admirer, a reader, or a publisher. ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne on Edward Bulwer-Lytton GRACKED.COM — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

14

In the 1920s, paintings by Pavel Jerdanowitch fetched a small fortune. There was no Pavel Jerdanowitch. In 1924, a struggling novelist named Paul Jordan Smith decided he was sick of modern art. So he created a series of paintings, called The Seven Deadly Sins, with old brushes that he had borrowed and canvas he pulled out of the trash. Then he invented Pavel Jerdanowitch, and sat back while people forked over wads of cash for his joke. CRACKED.COM http://serdar-hizli-art.com/art/definition_beauty_art.htm — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

13

CRACKED.COM Pete Townshend suffers from tinnitus, an annoying monotonous buzzing sounds if it's coming from the base of your skull. If you want to know what that sounds like, tune in to Chris Evans on Radio 2. Terry Wogan on Never Mind the Buzzcocks — 23 Total Mic Drop Insults

12

I TELL THE FELLAS, START THE NAME CALLIN' YIPPIE YI YO! AND I HEARD THE GIRLS A WOMAN RESPOND SHOUT TO OUT... THE CALL THE DOGS OF THE 2001 MONSTER HIT WHO DOGS LET THE OUT EN ARE MEN WHO CALL WOMEN UGLY NAMES. IT'S REALLY A MAN-BASHING SONG, EXPLAINED BAHA MEN SINGER-SONGWRITER ANSLEM DOUGLAS. CRACKED.COM — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

11

Norman Mailer T CRACKED.COM Wrote Mailer on rival author Jack Kerouac: Kerouac lacks discipline, intelligence, honesty and a sense of the novel. His rhythms are erratic, his sense of character is nil, and he is as pretentious as a rich whore, sentimental as a B — Mind of an Outlaw

10

Biff Tannen was a studio exec parody CRACKED.COM When Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale pitched an earlier movie, a studio exec named Ned Tanen behaved aggressively toward them. So they named Biff for him, then humiliated the villainous character. Or course, in the sequel, he was also based on a certain real-world real estate developer... — 6 Secret F-Yous Lurking In Famous Pop Culture

9

The Supernatural writers put themselves into the show, then mocked themselves for it. In Supernatural, an in-universe author (whose pen name is a combination of two of the show's writers' names) writes about his visions, and they all really happen to the main characters - without his knowledge. At one point, he says, Writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's, like, M. Night-level douchiness. CRACKED.COM — We Found These Killer Movie & TV Jokes So You Don’t Have To

8

Stargate SG-1 poked fun at all its nonsensical parts in a self-parody. STARGATE SG-1 WORMHOLE X-TREME! The in-universe show Wormhole X-Treme!, based on the same premise as Stargate SG-1, made fun of SG-1's absurdities and inconsistencies. It lampooned aliens speaking English, common Earth fruit being easily found on other planets, and how phase shifted people can walk through walls, but they never drop through the floor. CRACKED.COM — 13 Movies And Shows That Dunked On Themselves

7

CRACKED COM Thou art a boil, a plague-sore, an embossed carbuncle, in my corrupted blood. William Shakespeare, King Lear, to his daughter Regan — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

6

In The Dead Pool, Molly Fisher is brutally killed. She's a Shout-out-out to a film critic. Critic Pauline Kael called Dirty Harry fascist, pro-violence, pro-gun, conservative nuttery garbage. So in the Dirty Harry sequel The Dead Pool, producers based a character on her, and then had that character get brutally stabbed to death. That'll show her who's pro-violence! CRACKED.COM https://www.newsreview.com/sacramento/critics-camed/content?oid=1314065 — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

5

GRACKED.COM Can you watch Andrew Lloyd Webber? Не looks like he's had his face carved off by a diseased butcher. Put in a piñata. Beaten with hockey sticks for six hours, and then the resulting slop piped back onto his head like the icing on the ugliest cake the world has ever seen. ~FRANKIE BOYLE — 23 Total Mic Drop Insults

4

CRYIN' LIKE A B!TCH!! BY GODSMACK SLAMS MOTLEY CRÜE. PAC 14hb AND YOU WONDER WHY NO ONE CAN STAND YOU!?! The song about an arrogant has-been who tries to bully the band was inspired by the group's experience opening for the 80s rockers. CRACKED.COM — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

3

On Robert Frost GRAGKED.COM Said the poet James Dickey, If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. — Orlando Sentinel

2

Hitchcock made a producer a villain GRACKED COM Alfred Hitchcock also had a bad experience with a movie mogul, David О. Selznick. After a seven-year rocky relationship, he made Rear Window, and he cast a bad guy who looked a lot like Selznick-and found glasses similar to Selznick's, to make the resemblance even clearer. — 6 Famous Works of Art You Didn't Know Were Vicious Insults

1

Veronica Mars' creator sold out, but he acknowledged it. Toward the end of its run, Veronica Mars started using gratuitous product placement, and fans weren't too happy. In one episode, the characters talk about the reunion of the band Matchbox 20, whose lead singer has the same name as the show's creator, Rob Thomas. Rob Thomas is a whore, Piz says with disgust. CRACKED.COM — 13 Movies And Shows That Dunked On Themselves

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