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39 Bonkers Facts About the World of Fast Food

By:: Cracked Writers; Timon DJ Spajic

September 03, 2023

39 Bonkers Facts About the World of Fast Food

Sometimes life isn’t fair, such as when the fast-food gods giveth, and the fast-food gods taketh away. Some of their creations are utterly horrifying, but sometimes they create works of pure genius. We took to Facebook to ask Cracked readers which items they still crave, and, man did we receive a lot of excited responses. If you know anyone who decides the menu for a fast-food restaurant, tell them to take a look at the desperate pleas below…

39

McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwich had its own, awkward mascot back in the '70s. Phil A.O'Fish says: For a surprisingly good taste... M TM The mascot was called Phil А. O'Fish, and it lasted one year --1976. Apparently, it was such a dud, it got replaced by a new campaign super quick. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM — Smithsonian Magazine

38

37

McDonald's McSpaghetti СС on ald's Spaghetti was introduced in the 1970s, when no one was begging the burger company to attempt Italian. However, it did take off in the Philippines where it's still available. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

36

A gigantic dartboard for space debris Free TACO Here! CRACKED.COM When a Russian space station was set to crash back to Earth in 2001, KFC went and made a gigantic target in the Pacific Ocean, and promised free tacos for the entire planet if any of the debris fell onto it. (None did). — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

35

Fries + onion rings = Frings. CRACKED.COM You know that unique exhiliration of finding an onion ring in your french fries? Jack in the Box attempted to replicate that, but achieved the opposite: the devastating betrayal of being denied sufficient onion rings. — YouTube

34

One McDonald's restaurant has arches that aren't golden, but turquoise. M It's in Sedona, Arizona, and it's turquoise because the town has rules that ensure no buildings clash with the natural scenery surrounding it. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM — Business Insider

33

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McDonald's Hula Burger The hula burger was a cheeseburger minus the burger, plus grilled pineapple. Made to appeal to Catholics abstainning during Lent, it failed miserably where Filet-O-Fish succeeded. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

31

McDonald's flamin' hot Fitbit if STEP-iT CRACKED.COM Step-Its were little Happy Meal pedometers that started giving kids mysterious burns, blisters, and rashes. McD's had to recall over 30 million units. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

30

Bundles were just sliders. CRACKED.COM Burger King's laughably small burgers were fun for the whole family: not quite enough to satiate a child, and a choking hazard for adults! — YouTube

29

If you ask Ronald McDonald where burgers come from, he says they're grown. According to a former Ronald McDonald, the story for kids was that hamburgers grow in a patch and then they just get plucked. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM — Mashed

28

DUNKIN' DONUTS Dumbit DUNKIN' Dunkin' Donuts 1954 GRAGKED.COM Before a hairy, geriatric store owner enthusiastically announced that it was time to make the donuts, Dunkin' had a mascot called Dunkie. This horrific carbohydrate-gollum, wearing coffee cup pants and a paper hat, proudly served up his confectionary brethren with a wink and a smile. — Deputy

27

Taco Bell's Waffle Taco Taco Bell keeps trying to make breakfast happen for them, and, aside from a drunken 4 a.m. run, no one wants to wake up bright and early to clean out their intestines. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

26

McDonald's egged on sci-fi nerds sze CHUA sauce MU DEAL not the CRACKED.COM After the notorious Rick & Morty Szechuan sauce episode, McDonald's very publicly over-promised a limited time return of their signature sugar goop. Fans turned out in droves, and were extremely miffed when they quickly ran out. Dan Harmon says the show had nothing to do with the promotion -- Ronald brought this on himself. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

25

Bigfoot Pizza was just too-big pizza. CRACKED.COM Its whole... thing was that it was too big: too big for minimum wage-earning delivery guys to comfortably hold it, and too big for your ravenous family to snarf it down in one sitting. — YouTube

24

The McDonaldland characters aren't original -- they're just ripoffs. C McDonald's lifted everything from H.R. Pufnstuf, one of the most popular kids' TV programs in the '70s. It was so brazen, McDonald's got sued. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM — CNN

23

Gray Flannel Suit

22

McDonald's Lobster Roll Lobster Roll made with 100% Real North Atlantic Lobster Aside from Filet-O-Fish (which was a Lent godsend), there's something so unsettlingly (in my digestive system) about McDonald's carrying seafood. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

21

TGI Friday's mistletoe drone IN HERE, CRACKED.COM A demonstration of their mobile mistletoe drone went about as poorly as you'd expect. Were you expecting that it chipped off the tip of a photographer's nose? Great, then we're on the same page. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

20

The McLobster was a lobster meat hot dog. CRACKED.COM This abomination (which should have been called a Slobster Joe, first of all) had trouble gaining traction between the coasts because it's hard to ship lobster inland before it spoils. — YouTube

19

In Hong Kong, McDonald's has an upscale restaurant called McDonald's Next. The color scheme is black and white, the decor is glass and metal, and there's even table service in the evening. But they offer all the usual menu items. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM — Restaurant Business Online

18

JACK IN THE BOX Jack in the box 1968 GRACKED.COM When you commit to the theme of a mystery box in which the BEST case scenario is one where you are scared by a clown on a spring, your options are limited. Still, this cracked-out snowman jester was a bad call, and thankfully one they distanced themselves from. — Gray Flannel Suit

17

Taco Bell's Seafood Salad To compete with the Filet-O-Fish, Taco Bell introduced a seafood salad in the 1980s. Unsurprisingly, it was a complete flop. Salad AND seafood? From Taco Bell? Hard pass. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

16

Krispy Kreme (accidentally) supports the Klan COLOURING LUESDAY 18th February, 12:00pm - 5.00pm KKK WEDNESDAY CRACKED.COM In 2015, a Krispy Kreme location in the UK planned a week of fun family events, including a Wednesday dedicated to the unfortunately named Krispy Kreme Klub. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

15

Dinner Baskets turned fast food workers into waiters. BURO KING CRACKED.COM In 1992, Burger King introduced an option to make their overworked staff deliver your meal right to your face and all but baby-bird it to ya. — YouTube

14

McDonald's delivery trucks in the UK run on grease from McDonald's fryers. through traffic - follow the freshness, M That's been the case for more than a decade, and it's thanks to grease recovery units (GRUs) installed at every UK McDonald's restaurant. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM — edie.net

13

IHOP THE International HOUSE of PANCAKES PARKING IHOP, 1958 GRACKED.COM IHOP was always a contradiction; the international in the name sounds like a joke when you slide into one of their slick, vinyl booths and order a bacon temptation omelette, but that's nothing compared to the original sign and building. With 12 foot tall spindles, a swirly, orange frame, and the facade of a barn, it looks more like the Marry Your Cousin House of Pancakes. — Sharp Restaurants

12

APPLEBEE'S T.J. Applebee's Applebee's RX FOR EDIBLES & ELIXIRS GRILL + BAR 1980 CRACKED.COM The original name for Applebee's was T.J. Applebee's Rx For Edibles and Elixirs, which sounds like a Civil War era apothecary. But, no, this name remained until 1986 which means there is a non-0% chance that a family left a screening of The Karate Kid II and had a sit-down meal at T.J. Applebee's Rx For Edibles and goddamn Elixirs. — Applebee's

11

Zillion Designs

10

Taco Bell's Cheetos Burrito After their Doritos taco success, maybe this wasn't the dumbest idea. However, it didn't make it past their Cincinnati test market. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

9

The ВК Piss Meal MUAD MIAS SED N FE M YAAAS и SALTY MEAL DGAF MEAL CRACKED.COM In a bizarre attempted dunk on the Happy Meal, Burger King introduced a series of competing mood-based meals, including, for some reason, the YAAAS Meal and the Pissed Meal. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

8

Buffalo Wild Wings

7

Burger King's Halloween Burger While it (subjectively) looked cool 'n spooky, there's an equation the fast food industry simply must learn: Black food dye = Green poop + the public will not let you live it down CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

6

KFC bath bombs KFC x VILLAGE VONGUARD - dock - GRACKED.COM In 2017, KFC Japan offered bath bombs that would make your skin smell just like the decadent fried flesh offered by your favorite poultry murder syndicate. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

5

The Double Sensation was a twin-crusted pizza. Pizza Hut SENSATION HILK CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut gave customers in Singapore more of what nobody really likes all that much - the crust! They called it a pizza within a pizza, but it was realy just an excuse to fill you up with more bread... and apparently offload some excess Alfredo sauce. — YouTube

4

Gray Flannel Suit

3

Taco Bell's Black Jack Taco NEW! BLACK JACK TACO 89c The taco was not particularly notable aside from its black shell. Unfortunately,the shell had the unfortunate side effect of turning your poo green. Not a fun surprise. CRACKED.COM — The 16 Grossest Fast-Food Products (That Were Discontinued For Good Reason)

2

KFC's horny sex fiction CRACKED.COM KFC used the occasion of Mothers Day 2017 to commission an 83-page romance novella, called Tender Wings of Desire. — 16 Bizarre Non-Food Stunts From Fast Food Companies

1

The McJordan was a bacon cheeseburger. That's it. CRACKED.COM The quickest way into every American's heart (and gut) in the early 90's was Michael Jordan. And, apparently, the blues. The commercial made Jordan croon a bluesy tune with a mouthful of bacon chee. — YouTube

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