23 Historical Facts That Will Never Not Be Funny

‘San Francisco once had an emperor’
23 Historical Facts That Will Never Not Be Funny

We tend to think of the past as a much more serious place. The modern world might be a wacky satire from hell, but at least things were normal back then. After all, what could be more ridiculous than the Four Seasons Total Landscaping fiasco? Fyre Fest? The Mr. Peanut who fucks?

We’ll tell you what: The time during the Mexican-American War, when “there was one particular battle where both sides had cannons and gunpowder, but due to a logistical fuck up only one cannon ball between them,” according to Redditor korar67. “So they spent the entire battle firing the same cannon ball back and forth at each other.”

This was just one of the many ancient clusterfucks straight out of Looney Tunes offered by Reddit after user crooked_yellow asked r/AskReddit, “Which event from history will always be funny?”

clarinetist420 4y ago Emu War
StevesMcQueenisHere 4y ago Caligula had a house built for his horse and may have even made him a senator.
taggartbridge . 4y ago San Francisco (California) once had an emperor.
 4y ago Part of Boston was once devastated by a flood of molasses ...you could say it was a sticky situation
DJTHatesPuertoRicans 4y ago In 897 the former Pope, who had been dead for seven months, was dug up and put on trial for perjury and heresy. Не was convicted.
jman857 4y ago The fact that Cleopatra was able to be snuck into a building in a carpet. Like it would have looked misformed as hell and they didn't even check it? For security guards they did a pretty crappy job.
 4y ago Ben Franklin used to leak government secrets while drunk to get laid. It got to the point he had to be watched/monitored outside of session.
rachylynxx 4y ago In Pompeii they molded penis shapes into the cobblestone roads to point the way to the brothel.
htownlifer 4y ago Many of the streets in Monterrey California are named after prostitutes. The local madam kept the town out of bankruptcy on a few conditions and named the streets after her favorite workers.
Communist_Ninja . 4y ago Legend has it that during the Napoleonic Wars of the early 19th century, a shipwrecked monkey was hanged by the people of Hartlepool, believing him to be a French spy! To this day, people from Hartlepool are affectionately known as 'monkey hangers'.
PRIME Ginger_Chick 4y ago It has been all over reddit forever, but the fact that Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was ejected from Jackson's funeral for swearing, will never not make me giggle.
Meh176 4y ago In WW2 after the Nazi's conquered France, French sabatours disabled the Eiffel Tower's elevator. When Hitler came to go up in it and found the lift wouldn't work he just gave up. Hitler may have conquered France, but he couldn't conquer the Eiffel Tower. Not only funny, but one of the biggest Fuck You moments in history.
evdog_music 4y ago Galileo got persecuted because he personally dissed the Pope. Initially, the Catholic church didn't mind that much about Galileo's Heliocentric model, telling him to only assert it as a model instead of as fact. It was only after writing the Philosophical book, 'Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems', where he put Pope Urban VIII's views and arguments into the mouth of the layman character, Simplicio, that the Church took it personally.
MadCatMephi . 4y ago Once upon a time (during the Austro-Prussian War of 1866), the country of Liechtenstein sent its army, all of eighty men to guard a pass between Austria and Italy. This pretty much amounted to sitting around drinking, playing cards, and enjoying the view. However, when the time came for the army to march home, eighty one men returned to Liechtenstein, because not only did they suffer no casualties, but at some point they managed to collect an Italian defector.
-eDgAR- 4y ago Napoleon was once attacked by a horde of rabbits. Basically, a rabbit hunt was set up to celebrate the Treaties of Tilsit and they ended up amassing somewhere between hundreds and thousands of rabbits (accounts vary). Anyway, the day of the hunt they set the rabbits in cages surrounding the area that they would be hunting in. They released them once everyone was set, but instead of being scared the bunnies swarmed the hunting party. At first they thought it was funny, but then it got overwhelming and Napoleon and the others had to flee from the
 4y ago Corporal Wojtek the soldier bear, served in the Polish Army in World War 2. Yes, a Syrian Brown Bear. Не saw combat, enjoyed smoking, drinking, and coffee in the morning. When solider were cold, he would sleep with them to keep them warm. Originally known as Private Wojtek, he was promoted to Corporal after his admirable service in the Battle of Monte Cassino.
demandred_zero 4y ago Thanks to The Dollop podcast for this, but the Willie Dee. Which was a U.S. Navy destroyer during world war 2. Amongst its exploits the ship dragged its anchor along several ships when leaving port, fired its 5 inch gun at their own base which landed in the base Commanders yard during a dinner party, accidentally launched a torpedo at the Battleship lowa which was transporting THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, and was eventually sunk by a Japanese kamikaze plane that was shot down and sunk then detonated under the Willie Dee.
TruthTeller_Really 4y ago Notorious Pirate/Pirate hunter Benjamin Hornigold Once attacked a ship just to steal all of the crew member's hats. His men had gotten drunk and lost their hats during a party the night before and decided to board a ship to get replacements.
drunkinabookstore 4y ago Caeser once got kidnaped by pirates, was outraged when he found out the ransom they were asking was too low and threw a tantrum and made them raise it.
Lo-Ping 4y ago Julius Caesar had a letter dispatched via messenger while the Senate was in session. Convinced he was sending a message to his collaborators, Senator Cato the Younger demanded that the letter be read in open session to be entered into the annals of the Senate forever. Caesar allowed the letter to be read, and thus the most filthy love letter Caesar had written to his lover at the time, Cato's half-sister Servilia got entered into historical record forever.
motherfuqueer 4y ago Darwin spent 3 days on the ship trying to figure out how to use a hammock when he went to the Galapagos Islands. Не kept trying to get in legs first. Ultimately he had to pull it taut enough that it was totally flat and didn't swing. Also, he had no knowledge of how to send samples back to England and just randomly shoved dead animals into boxes. Often the scientist who received them couldn't even tell what the hell the samples were. Finally, he accidentally ate a bird that he'd specifically been on the lookout for,
 4y ago Brazil and France almost went to war because they had a disagreement about Lobsters, the event is known as The Lobster War France thought Lobsters swim therefore they were above brazillian soil and could be fished by any vessel and Brazil thought Lobsters crawled on the ocean's floor therefore are brazillian property. Brazil's foreign affairs minister had this to say about it: The attitude of France is inadmissible, and our government will not retreat. The lobster will not be caught. It ended when they agreed that actually lobsters don't crawl nor swim, they leap
halloweencactuses 4y ago A very seldom mentioned fact about Louis Riel, leader of the Metis nation and most written about man in Canadian history, is that he was so devoted to his resistance movement that he sold everything he owned to get more ammunition for his soldiers. This included his clothing. When he was finally captured in Batoche, he was stark naked. No one really knows how long he'd been running around like that since his soliders had been shoot nails and wood out of their guns for quite a while before his capture, but the man probably had schizophrenia


Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?