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32 Predictions About the Future That Demonstrate How Dumb People Were in the Past

What’s the return policy on these crystal balls?

32 Predictions About the Future That Demonstrate How Dumb People Were in the Past

June 08, 2024

Hindsight might be 20/20, but it looks like foresight is 20/200.

That’s a little optometry humor for ya. Yup, every eye doctor out there is probably laughing their glasses off.

But you know who isn’t laughing? These failed prophets. Their overconfident claims sent them to their timeline’s eye doctor for future-sightedness. We’ll stop now. Should’ve quit while we were ahead.

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32

50 CYBORGS 5 OPTICO-VIDEO NOVEMBER 1963 ASER ANTENNA SYNCHRO-ELECTRONIC SHAVER GAMMA-RAY REPELLER OPTICO-VIDEO HELMET SENSOR CONNECTED TO OPTIC NERVE RADAR-AUDIO SENSOR SELF-REGENERATING ATOMIC BATTERIES PUSHBUTTON PANEL FOR PSYCHO-BIOLOGICAL NEEDS EMERGENCY CARDIAC PUMP FORCE-FIELD OXYGEN TANKS REGULATOR AND COMPRESSOR PANES IN THORACIC PUSHBUTTON BIOLOGICAL NEED CRACKED.COM CAVITY Popular Science believed we were close to the cyborg above, but their ultimate goal (Optiman) was more advanced. We had to hurry else Russia would do it first. Absurd, of course. We're not going to make our cyborgs green. — Source

31

50 AVAILABILITY 5 OF MEAT SEPTEMBER 1913 GRACKED.CON If current trends continue, Americans in the 21st century will live as the low-caste Chinaman does now, on rice and vegetables, and like him, slothful creatures, anaemic and without initiative. -Gustav Bischoff, Meat Packers Association — Source

30

50 REMOTE 5 DIAGNOSES 1905 CRACKED.COM The Popular Mechanics version of medical video conferencing included an electric handshake that touches you from afar. That didn't come to pass. And if it did, you know we'd have it shaking body parts for decidedly non-medical purposes. — Source

29

The Alphabet

50 THE ALPHABET 5 DECEMBER 1900 no D CRACKED COM There will be no C, x or Q in our every-day alphabet. They will be abandoned because unnecessary. -John Watkins, from the Saturday Evening Post. Yes, we'd develop informal spelling but wouldn't drop any letters entirely, bc that idea sux, dafuq would be the point in doing that? — Source

28

50 FASHION in FEBRUARY 1939 CRACKED.C COM The man of the next century will revolt against shaving... His hat will be an antenna. His socks, disposable. His belt will hold all his pockets ever did. -Vogue. They were right about beards, at least. — Source

27

50 DEMOCRACY 5 1936 CRACKED.COM Democracy will be dead by 1950. -John Langdon-Davies, British journalist. Yeah, it got hairy there for a bit, but they haven't quite managed to get rid of democracy so far. — Source

26

We'll go full Flintstones. To Find Some Use For Every Wild Animal Man's Steadily Increasing Need for More Space Will Eventually Force Untamed Beasts to Pay Their Way in the Scheme of Things or Join the Species Already Extinct The Cash - - The breading .. - late president - been AND HOME - - NA and S - - - - - - - CRACKED.COM - It was once commonly thought that we'd train endangered species to perform menial tasks as we continued to encroach into their territory. We've opted to just indiscriminately kill them instead! — Source

25

HOME 50 5 APPLIANCES 1955 CRACKED.COM Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within ten years. -Alex Lewyt, vacuum company president. We have nuclear power today, but it makes a lot more sense to produce it centrally than to stick a reactor in every appliance. — Source

24

55 50 5 TRAINS 1850 8 SIERRA RAILROAD GRACKED CON Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia. -Irish professor Dionysius Lardner. We do have high-speed trains now, as well as even faster transport methods. — Source

23

50 BATHROOMS 5 2000 1900 CRACKED COM French artists predicted life in the year 2000 for the 1900 World Exhibition. They foresaw machines scrubbing you clean and applying makeup. Even with access to robotics today, we prefer handling certain intimate activities ourselves. — Source

22

FEMALE 50 15 EVOLUTION DECEMBER 1950 1950 , 2000 o 6 GRACKED.com The woman of the year 2000 will be will be more than six feet tall, wear a size 11 shoe, have shoulders like a wrestler and muscles like a truck driver. -Associated Press. True for some women. AP also predicted, She may even be president. — Source

21

55 MOVING 50 5 HOUSES JULY 1971 CRACKED.COM The house of the future would have no roots Gone would be water pipes, drains, power lines; the autonomous home could therefore move, or be moved, to anywhere on earth. -Arthur C. Clarke. Не wasn't predicting RVs, which already existed. — Source

20

50 THE BEATLES 5 FEBRUARY 1962 CRACKED.COM We don't like the sound. Guitar groups are on their way out. -Dick Rowe, head of artists and repertoire at Decca Records. The Beatles then went on to some success, as did rock music in general. — Source

19

20th Century Fox

TV won't last 6 months. 20TH CENTURY FOX CRACKED.COM Studio exec Darryl Zanuck predicted that people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night. Staring at that box is the only thing that gets us through the day! — Source

18

Audiences don't want to hear actors. A WARNER BRO. CRACKED.COM H.M. Warner thought silent movies were the height of cinema: Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? — Source

17

By the mid 1980's, automated autos, noiseless pneumatic sub- ways and luxury-liner hovercraft will have radically restructured our surface mobility David Rorvik in the October 1970 issue of CRACKED.COM Playboy magazine — Source

16

50 THE INTERNET 5 DECEMBER 1995 CompuServe Internet Services UJENET The - - - Lineart - i - - - - - a iw / # ВЕННИЕ wedback CRACKED.COM I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse. -Robert Metcalfe, the inventor of Ethernet. Не said he'd eat his words if he were wrong. And so he did, sticking a magazine page in a blender then eating the goop with a spoon. — Source

15

FLYING CARS SOLH 3218 fe CRACKED.COM Henry Ford had a plan for cheap, easy-to-use, personal planes everyone can own. A plane in every driveway! Then his prototype (avoidably) crashed during a test flight, and Ford scrapped the whole idea. S — Source

14

Turbine 14 Torbin DOME 167 330 Hondensator HOMES SOLA CRACKED COM In the '60s, architects thought dome homes would catch on because they would totally shrug off damage from hurricanes and other natural disasters. Buyers rejected them because they looked completely bloody stupid. Я — Source

13

Turbine 14 DOLLAR 167 To Hondensator COINS SOLK SIDENU NOSSELLER STATES STROEL CRACKED.COM In 2007, the US government thought 4/2 dollar coins would replace bills, saving the mint $4.4 billion over the next couple decades. But people liked bills more. Half of all dollar coins sit uncirculated in government vaults. — Source

12

Michael Jordan won't carry this franchise. CHICAGO BULLS GM LLS CRACKED.COM General Manager Rod Thorn was almost apologetic that there was no one taller he could have drafted: What can you do? Jordan isn't going to turn this franchise around. — Source

11

Smoking's probably fine. NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE CRACKED.COM W.C. Heuper, director of the institute's Environmental Cancer Section, was pretty darn sure that, if smoking played a part in lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one. — Source

10

Movies are a fad. CHARLIE CHAPLIN CRACKED.COM Before becoming a silent film star, Chaplin declared what audiences want to see is flesh and blood on the stage. Right about the flesh; right about the blood; wrong about the medium. — Source

9

The telephone has no legs. WESTERN UNION CRACKED COM In an internal memo, employees were told that the telephone shouldn't be seriously considered as a means of communication. — Source

8

Terrible Predictions

Brick-and-mortar stores have nothing to worry about. TIME MAGAZINE CRACKED.COM Their 1966 prediction that remote shopping will flop was based on the observation that women like to get out of the house. — Source

7

Nothing bad will happen to the stock market. IRVING FISHER CRACKED.COM 3 days before the stock market crash, an American economist declared that stocks had reached a permanently high plateau. — Source

6

Thomas Edison

Tired: gold. Wired: steel. THOMAS EDISON FABRIARE CRACKED.COM Edison was convinced we were on the verge of dispensing precious metals like a Taco Bell soda fountain. And what would we do with the power of alchemy? Devalue gold and turn all our furniture into cold, hard steel. — Source

5

There's simply no demand for YouTube. YOUTUBE COFOUNDER CRACKED.COM Cofounder and СТО Steve Chen once said there's just not that many videos I want to watch. Strange that a man with zero foresight could accidentally invent a perpetual motion propaganda machine! — Source

4

MICHAEL KEATON AS BATMAN CRACKED.COM Warner Bros received 50,000 protest letters from angry fans after Keaton was cast in 1989, but both Keaton Batmans are considered the gold standard of superhero films, and the best Batman debate usually comes down to Bale or Keaton. — Source

3

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. AS TONY STARK CRACKED COM Marvel Studios fought against the casting, and Director Jon Favreau stated, Robert was a tough sell. They wanted a lesser-known actor with no baggage who was 10 years younger. RDJ has since become synonymous with Iron Man, and kicked off the trend of superhero obsession we're currently living in. — Source

2

HEATH LEDGER AS THE JOKER CRACKED.COM Fans were outraged that Ledger was cast as the Joker. Known for A Knight's tale and Brokeback Mountain, critics cried too young, too pretty, and not good enough, but his performance is considered among the all-time best, and he became the first actor in a superhero movie to be nominated for (and win) an Oscar. — Source

1

DANIEL CRAIG AS JAMES BOND CRACKED.COM In 2005, the Blonde Bond controversy had fans boycott the film. They saw James Bond as sleek, elegant, and debonair whereas mostly-unknown Craig seemed like a meathead. His 5 installments as Bond from 2006 to 2021 have grossed nearly $4 billion. — Source

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