28 of the Funniest Ways People Have Quit Their Jobs

‘I’ve been contacted by the mothership. I have to return to my home planet’
28 of the Funniest Ways People Have Quit Their Jobs

Everyone’s had at least one fantasy about quitting a job they hate.  But for most people, that fantasy seldom becomes reality. Instead of storming out in extraordinary fashion, they’re stuck sitting in their cubicle while a coworker reheats salmon in the communal microwave for the millionth time. 

If that’s your predicament, feel free to live vicariously through these Redditors, who peaced out of their jobs in ways usually reserved for sitcom protagonists. From alien cosplay to reenacting Scarface’s memorable scene in Half Baked, here are some of the funniest ways people have said, “It’s quittin’ time!”

teamfaysal . 2y On the first day of working at Amazon warehouse the managers broke down to Everyone how a 15 minute break works there. Walking to the break room is 2 1/2 minutes. 10 minutes of actual break and then 2 1/2 minutes to go back to your stations. It took me 2 1/2 minutes to walk to my car and I took a forever break. ... 5.4k
 7y ... I used to work at a place that rhymes with Pizza Hut and the managers there were real cheapskates. There was this nice old man that would come in every Sunday and order a triple extra cheese pizza and while they charged him for the 3x cheese, they would forbid us from ever actually putting that much cheese on a pizza because apparently cheese in the pizza selling world is akin to gold. So instead of 3x extra cheese he would really be getting what the instructions would qualify as barely enough for a regular cheese pizza.
jlb641986 . 2 7y I needed a job. I was out of money for school. I, at the time, had about five years of trade experience. This was a few years ago, when the Bakken was still going strong. I took a significant pay cut to get this job, it was in the Bakken and was told that at 90 days I'd get a review and it'd be worth it. The housing they promised was awful. North Dakota was awful. I held out for 90 days to see this awesome raise, thinking oil field, big money was coming. You're a great employee,
MimonFishbaum 7y A couple of my best friends decided to get married in Scotland (were American). It was quite an expensive trip, so I picked up a part time job at a shitty sandwich chain for about a year to save so my wife and I could attend. About 2 weeks before the trip, I was offered emergency overtime at my full time job. I was unsure if I was scheduled to work at the sandwich joint, so I called the owner. Не told me I was, which was a bummer, because I couldve stayed at my real job for
ContributionRoutine . 2y I was 17 and working Pre-cast concrete. Refused to use a rusted to shit ladder. Supervisor called me a pussy, got up about 7 rungs before his foot went through one, heard his foot snap as he fell. I called an ambulance and walked to my car in the parking lot ... 3.4k
PowerWordCoffee 7y My small time office was bought out and taken over by a large company. Suddenly I was told I was just a secretary, my salary was cut, benefits non existent and there was nothing legally I could do...because I checked. They did it in such a way that it was if I started a new job. The new office manager told someone that his highschool son could do my job, for less pay, so in the summer my hours were cut. I finally said fuck this and didn't show up. After bullying and tearful trips home. Then I
derdono 7y One of my first jobs was part time at a small budget supermarket. The boss was a wanker of severely limited intelligence, assigning me far more shifts than I agreed to and spending the entire day shouting at everybody (rather than doing actual work). Turns out I was also getting a euro less per hour than agreed on - I noticed that after a month when I finally got my first pay. Not cool. Grounds enough for me to terminate my work contract with immediate effect. So, I got myself a new job, typed out my notice, put it in
PeterBernsteinSucks . 4y I was just out of college and had got a real job, so when I had to quit the job I had been at for like a month, I wrote them an email and told them i was leaving to join Scientology in LA and to send my check to my mom at XXX address. I knew I would never go back there or use them as a reference so I told them some off the wall story. It was stupid but I still laugh about it. ... 213
KS ١٠ AZ adidas Peelboy . 4y by 00 My job told me since they fired the other supervisor I was just going to have to do his job from now on. My original job was insane now they expected me to double that with no compensation. Well it got old real fast and we had a seriously busy day and I decided I was done, I let $1,000,000+ of shipments sit in a trailer back in the corner and and told all my guys thanks for the hard work our day is done. I quit that day and the
PIP_SHORT 4y My dad went into the boss' office during lunch and said I have been contacted by the mothership. I have to return to my home planet. Thank you for the job. Shook the guy's hand, left the building, and never contacted them again. ... 353
Frugalista1 4y I really like my supervisor but hated my job. Не was a real cut up so that made it livable. I got a new job and handed him my written two weeks notice. Just my luck it was April 1st, he didn't believe me. Every day I'd remind him how many days left. Не started getting testy, he'd played a long game himself but this was too much. Apparently he was quite surprised when I stopped showing up! ... 2.9k
I_am_dean 1y I was driving to work but got stuck in traffic, I called my boss to let him know I would be late. Не said fine but when I got to work he started yelling at me, saying if you pull that shit again you're fired. Не didn't believe that I was stuck in traffic caused by a wreck. Coincidentally the next day, another wreck, same road, I would be late again. So I just turned around and went home. My boss called me yelling at me where the fuck are you? I told him I got stuck in
Flimsy_Grocery_4395 1y I worked in a high end restaurant that didn't treat their employees well. One of the cooks gave his 2 weeks notice and in a passive aggressive move they didn't schedule him for any shifts for what should have been his last week. So on his final scheduled shift he showed up in a full on McDonald's uniform. Не refused to take it off and they couldn't tell him to leave because then they wouldn't have enough staff for the dinner rush. Не worked his whole 8 hour shift wearing the uniform, and anytime the manager asked or
gozba 1y I was working for this huge American company who had a lot of trouble making decent plans and keeping promises. I work in IT projects, but due to a vacancy I was asked to pick up a commercial role. I refused. Then it turned out it wasn't a question, it was a demand. I had until Tuesday to give the wanted answer. What they didn't know was that I already working out contract details with another employer, which got sorted out by that Monday. Come Tuesday morning an angry manager called me into his office, stating I didn't
Bleed_Luck . 1y Worked for an electrical company. Family owned. The owners brother was calling me an idiot all day saying I can't do anything right. Tells me to go to Dunkin Dounuts to get breakfast. Не says to me can you at least get dounts for us without fucking it up? I took his van to Dunks, bought myself a nice sausage egg and cheese, called my girlfriend to pick me up, and left his van right there. Не calls me at 11 flipping out. Where the fuck is my van? Where are you? Told him I went and
bilbo_poggins . 1y I went to tell the store manager about my two weeks notice and coincidentally he planned on letting me know that they accidentally paid me as a cashier instead of a bag boy for an entire year and they were going to start paying me the correct rate (about a dollar less) starting next pay period. I was like ok well here's my two weeks lol bye. ... 476
chuff76 . 1y I work in recruitment. When we make a placement, we ring the bell and write it up on the whiteboard with a round of applause from the office. This guy worked and filled a job, with himself. Rang the bell, wrote up his own name and mic dropped the board marker then walked straight out into his new job ... 521
platinumgulls 7y I was witness to a classic quit job. Was out a local pizza place with my family. It was around 6ish and the place was packed with families and other patrons (mainly HS kids) for the dinner rush. All of a sudden this kid comes running out from behind the counter where you get your food. Не whips off his shirt and shorts and jumps on a table in front a packed restaurant and exclaims very loudly, I'm quitting because the manager that runs this place is a total asshole and won't give me a day off! Oh
Tmon_of_QonoS. . 7y I worked over nights at a gas station through college. After being scheduled to work my 3rd Christmas in a row, on Christmas morning, I gave my boss a card that said I QUIT!!! ... 797
Prettygoodpizza 7y I wrote my two week notice on a condolence card that said, I can't comprehend the depth of your loss.
definitelynotme_ . 7y Worked in the cinema as a teenager. Came in late for work after they changed my schedule during my days off and didn't think to mention it to me. Boss lost it and started shouting at me, as far as I'm concerned if you need to shout I ain't listening. So let her rant away for a good 15 mins while I was at my locker clearing it out. When it finally clicked that I wasn't listening or getting ready to work she stopped and asked what I'm doing I said going to see lotr with the lads
The_MonBear 7y My wife worked for a certain chain coffee shop a few years back. She got another job, so requested reduced hours. This didn't happen for 3 straight weeks. During that third week, she had a soccer mom from hell try to get her attention, by throwing fucking snowballs at her through the drive-thru window. My wife then stopped what she was doing and tossed this soccer mom's iced tea at her (which exploded everywhere) and slammed the window. 5 minutes later she had written her letter of resignation, with the only things she could find: a purple crayon
sunrein 7y At 16 I worked at a Dairy Queen Brazier in Texas. My Manager, was a jerk. One night, I sliced a good chunk of my thumb off because they did not have the proper safety equipment. After being out of work for 3 weeks, I returned to work. My thumb was still pretty screwed up, but I was trying. My Manager kept riding my ass, telling me I had to move faster (I was the only short order cook). When I saw three GreyHound buses pull up, I knew I was in trouble. She came back into the
jphiz . 7y During my exit interview I told HR the real reason I was leaving was due to the quality of the office chairs. I said they were an eyesore, uncomfortable and made me ashamed to come to work and resulted in sub-par job satisfaction. Two weeks later I was told by previous co-workers everyone got brand new, top of the line office chairs. ... 553
ThatGuyQuinn 7y I worked at Boston Market in high school and i had been getting screwed on hours for a month or so. So the new schedule came out and i seen i had 6hrs for the whole week and i was pissed. The last order i had a guy came in and just wanted some kids meals for his two kids. I asked him if he wanted anything for himself but i could tell that he was in a bind with money. Dude paid in all change and barely had enough. Any ways i went to the back and
daveyb86 . 7y I knew someone who worked in a really shitty call centre. His boss never had time for anyone. When he went to tell his boss that he was leaving, the boss waved him out of the room as he was on a call. So he wrote I quit on a post-it note, stuck it on the boss's screen and just walked out. ... 2.5k
Focie . 7y Someone at my previous workplace (a huge grocery store in a large mall) went to the PA system we use to issue nessages to the whole mall, and said something along the lines of dear customers, managers and со- workers. I fucking quit, and then proceeded to leave. ... 2k
AnotherCleverGuy . 7 7y My boss was never in the office and wasn't even there for me to turn in my resignation.. So I took a video of me dancing on his desk and singing about how he's never there and sent it to his boss. ... 1.4k
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