25 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of September 18, 2023

It’s really not looking good for Joe Jonas lol
25 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of September 18, 2023

It’s been a hellish last seven days. For starters, four women came forward and accused Russell Brand of sexual assault. The women, who chose to remain anonymous out of fear for their safety, accused the comedian of violence and emotional abuse over a seven-year period. Then, Hasan Minhaj opened up about his “emotional truths” and the lies he peppered into his stand-up act. While every comedian stretches the truth a little for a laugh, the actions of the Patriot Act host may end up invalidating real accounts of racism and Islamophobia, which is no good.

That said, it hasn’t been all bad. With the new Elon Musk biography hitting shelves, we got a chance to learn something interesting — about Larry David. The book details an incident where David continued to be the coolest person in the room and confronted Musk for his spineless politics at a wedding. 

The Curb actor wasn’t the only one lifting our spirits this week either. We also had some funny tweets over the last several days. This week’s hall-of-fame-worthy comedians include a voyeuristic chef, a case of reverse identity theft and Harry Houdini getting a little fruity with it. 

Q @youcancallmeQ__8 8h ... A glass pot is crazy give the food some privacy Mankhumiše @Ms_... 13h See how you cook Spaghetti! twitter.com/ms_logical/sta... CG 323 15.2K 123K 4.1M
zach silberberg supports the... . 17h ... i hate that someone at an ad agency got paid more money than i make in a year to come up with this sentence that makes less and less sense the more i think about it Send teeth, not nudes. Teeth whitening. 1 hour. $129. 192 1,071 16.8K 969K
Phil Lester @AmazingPhil.23h ... gonna confess i'm still not sure what the ring from lord of the rings actually did except make you invisible and angry 515 3,152 68.9K del 8.1M
JAMIE (RIP Snailbert ).21h ... Sports Pickleball is worse for you than cigarettes, soda, fast food and crack combined Jane Thomas-July 8, 2023 6 332 3,653 132K
DENPArin @denpavn 1d IM АВТ TO CRY LAUGHIGN I SAW A TAMAGOTCHI ON VINTED FOR £ I WAS LIKE wow bargain and iT CAME TODAY AND ???? TANNGROTCHI 201 4,037 70K 1.7M
Kim Quindlen @kimquindlen 15h ... Please send me love and light I went on a walk today and I nodded + smiled politely at someone but they were a Halloween decoration 9 107 2,492 del 77.8K
doomer @uncledoomer 5h I'm not going to lie to you. I'm having a pretty rough day. I don't want to put it on you or anything. However, I've reached my breaking point. I'm not delivering the food. I am going to eat it. I am sorry. Received 3 min ago 14 191 3,725 93.5K
Laura Peek @laurapeek_.19h ... Someone stole my identity yesterday and opened a bunch of accounts in my name, including a sports betting account where he won like hundreds of dollars. today I closed the account and collected all of that money. Getting your identity stolen rules!!! 6 41 2,080 del 54.8K
matt @computer_gay.17h dante's inferno: www CITTE gomg LO do uado seods in my circle... 21 الله 2 6 TYL3R @tylerjeffrey_ 10/26/22 Let's add some people to the circle tonight 61 3 397 TYL3R @tylerjeffrey_ 10/15/22 I need a bigger circle 19 157 TYL3R @tylerjeffrey_ 10/5/22 That was meant for circle 11 64 TYL3R @tylerjeffrey_ 9/2/22 Hi who else should I add to my circle? 77 3 327 Show this thread TYL3R @tylerjeffrey_.8830/22 Who am I adding?? 15 634 4,767 184K
roro, PhD @fuglibetty 11h ... this is literally so F'ing true .... ..... I STILL TWO BELIEVE IN THE PARTY SYSTEM FRIDAY & SATURDAY 643 5,660 del 169K
Ms. Grace Kuhlenschmidt @GKuhlenschmidt 3h ... if they had this when i was 15 i'd be in jail ORIGINAL ORIGINAL riZona ©2020 HORNELL BREWING CO UM SPIKED BEVERAGE AriZona PREMIUM SPIKED BEVERA ARD TIM WILL BLACHINERY AND MAY CAUSE HEALTH PROBLEMS RE HARD OF citi MAIL Gr REAL BREWED AL BREWED b Green Tea ed Tea BREWED BEVERAGES AND CANNED BY HOFBRAUHAUS TO DRIVE A CARLOS WOLTERS OPERATE GMBH 38102 BRAUNSCHWEIG GERMANY IMPORTED BY: HORNELL BREWING CO INC_WOODBURY. NY I with GINSENG flavor R th LEMON CONTA & HONEY 1300875955 Braunschtenig CONTAINS TA VS 5% OK+FL alc.Avol 5% alc./vol. CRV 22FL. OZ.-650 mL (1 PINT, 6FL OZ
eleanor @dimestorepaglia. 1h ... rip princess diana 72 16.5K 6 447
Маделейн. @normalmadeline 22h ... this is probably the single most joyful task you can perform as a human being 22 1,244 14.1K 472K
@ShutUpMurdy -5 5d Houdini was dressed for Pride I fear joe cool @dogateabee 9/14/23 Ok he was kinda fine asf... French magician Robert-Houdin (1805-1871). Harry Houdini Houdini in 1899, in chains to mimic his escapist stunts Erich Weisz Born March 24, 1874 Budapest Kingdom of 5 67 297 16.6K
@northstardoll. 7h Unfortunately i'm not addicted to the grind i A m addicted to the unwind i love chilling and relaxation and overall taking it easy 6 5,302 658K 25.6K
a @aallleeexxxxxx - 1d i loved succession. i wish caring about your job was real 8 227 3,022 du 118K
Uncle Dev @schlix_gawd 1 1 16h Her: *sigh* go get my purse bodville INDEX The Spectator Index @spectatorindex.20h BREAKING: Ukraine's president Zelensky is seeking an additional $24 billion in US aid 83 6,155 17.5K 1M
RAISE APPLEBEE'S HELL NMOO NONS PRAISE DALE Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse 1d ... This meal just cost me $78 at Newark Airport. This is why Americans think the economy is terrible. PlanB One-Step emer One Pepper Est.1885 Strawberries The sooner you take it, the mot & Cream it will be Take as soon as possible withi Naturally & (3 days) after unprotected sex Artificially Flavored Will not harm an existing press 1 Tablet 12 FL OZ (355 mL) 147 42.9K 2,555 1.2M
oomfevin @triplevirghoe 18h ... humpty dumpty buying the FUCK out this shirt CONCRETE BOY BOAT^ 19h buy merch plz JM THE BITCH THEY SAID FELL OFF! 30 3,931 37.4K 1.8M
messed up foods @messedu... . 4h ... deconstructed fried rice 282 5,153 60.6K 1.9M
no @zedonarrival - 1d ... joe jonas' rep saying that his + sophie turner's kids shouldn't relocate to the UK with her bc they spent the majority of their lives in the US is hilarious they're 1 and 3 those kids barely know they exist You can reply to this conversation 73 2,864 79.8K 2.7M
josh terry @JoshhTerry 20h ... last weekend i ordered a moscow mule and got scolded by the bartender because of the war in ukraine. it's a vodka mule, actually. threw me off for the whole night tbh 105 225 8,552 365K
carson @carsonpls• 16h i i love richmond virginia so goddamn bad 48 869 14.7K 511K
Olivia @nellgwynnes.6h This is a real line from Mil*ie В***y Brown's new novel lol The first page opens with the clunker: It was hot - the kind of heat that makes you long for the weather to cool down. This is followed by about 150 مصحص on 73 609 4,710 del 699K
h @ipodmacbook. 17h ... when I was 18 i was a waiter and i served Larry david and he ordered oatmeal and sent it back 4 times and kept apologizing it ruled I felt like i was in a real life episode of curbed Joey @gothamhiphop 1d What's your favorite interaction you've had with a celebrity? 54 38.9K 1,111 2.2M
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