13 Bizarre Incidents That Aren't Crimes, But Probably Should Be

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13 Bizarre Incidents That Aren't Crimes, But Probably Should Be

Not to add to the long list of existing laws here, but with all the weird shit we bored primates like to conjure up, it’s easy to see how laws can stack up. Can you imagine being around for day one of the law? You were just living your best life as a new resident of “the wild west,” but one day the Sheriff pops by with a fat stack of papers, and he’s all like, “Here’s all the things you can’t do anymore.”

Your first reaction might be, “What the hell does the word “Sheriff” even mean?” Your second reaction might be, “Listen pal, I’ve been robbin’ and killin’ people my entire adult life, and now you’re tellin’ me I’ll have to sit in a cage like a little tweety bird for it?!” It would suck. But yeah, robbing and killing people isn’t good for civilization as a whole. We’re not lumping these 13 bizarre incidents in with those bad boys, but at some point, somebody should’ve stepped in with a law against them.

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What do you want, honey? Snickers, Doritos, or bear meat?

CRACKED SELLING VENDING MACHINE BEAR MEAT. After multiple bear attacks in Semboku, Japan, hunters began shooting intruding bears, and Daishi Sato sold the meat in a vending machine outside his noodle shop. 24h8 ROSHLAS SECOM 0000 000P 0000 MADATA - 3-5+ THE NATURE - 10:00 ~ That Ba 2.200 FOOD -

Reuters

“Dumping” is illegal, but does that count if it’s compostable?

CRACKED SOMEONE DUMPED ALMOST 400 LBS OF SPAGHETTI IN THE WOODS. In May of 2023, residents of Old Bridge, New Jersey found a massive pile of the cooked pasta along a wooded creek. One resident called the mystery, Mission Impastable.

KSAT

We don’t say this often, but grow up!

CRACKED THESE INSANE FOOD PRODUCTS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. 2021 had some of the craziest foods hit the market. There was candy-flavored Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, a Fruit Loops-covered pizza, a cake made out of Cheez-its, and pumpkin spice flavored ramen. Candy Kraft macaroni & CHeese DINNER

Nerdist

Another entry in the “Florida Man” chronicles

CRACKED A FLORIDA MAN TOLD POLICE THAT HIS DOG SHOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. A man from Jacksonville, Florida claimed that when his dog jumped up into bed, his paw hit a gun on the nightstand and it went off, shooting his girlfriend in the leg. She luckily had no life-threatening injuries, and no charges were filed.

Daily Mail

Littering is illegal for everyone but Elon, we guess.

CRACKED ELON MUSK GETS AWAY WITH LITTERING. In July 2022, space debris from a SpaceX rocket landed on a sheep paddock in Australia. The farmer found the 10-foot charred object, which would later be identified as the largest piece of space junk to land in Australia since 1979.

Deseret

What did we learn? Don’t play with people’s lives!

CRACKED SEPARATING TRIPLETS AT BIRTH FOR AN EXPERIMENT. The 2018 doc Three Identical Strangers follows orphaned triplets given to 3 families in varying economic levels as part of a psychological study. The parents each describe the babies as crying profusely, later realizing they were missing each other. One triplet killed himself, so although this wasn't illegal, it's so unethical that it should be.

WBUR

So it’s a mammoth of a meatball? Yes. And yes.

CRACKED MAKING A GIANT MEATBALL OUT OF EXTINCT MAMMOTH MEAT. In 2023, the Nemo science museum in the Netherlands created a giant meatball made from flesh cultivated from the DNA of an extinct woolly mammoth. They wanted to get people talking about cultured meat, calling it a more sustainable alternative to real meat.

Reuters

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