12 Fictional Rivalries That Actually Have a Clear Winner

Dolph Lundgren hospitalized Stallone, so yeah, Drago would’ve won for sure.
12 Fictional Rivalries That Actually Have a Clear Winner

Man, do we love a bangin’ rivalry. Great movies and TV shows are jam packed with them for a reason. With a clash of ideologies, a battle for power, or a personal vendetta, fictional rivalries inject intensity and drama into our favorite stories. And what better way to have a protagonist overcome some odds than a head to head battle with an evil foe? 

That all sounded a tad too serious for the much more comedic, cartoonish rivalries we’ve gathered here today.

Who doesn’t love a true David vs. Goliath underdog story? Trust us, we’re all about them, but a second glance made us wonder… Was there any realism in these bouts, or would Goliath clearly pummel David? David was just a scrawny little teenager when he took down that beastly Goliath, so could he really have slung a rock hard enough to kill him? We might never know. All we can tell you is that, by our humble judgments, these 12 fictional rivalries should have had a clear winner. 

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Think of all the money he’d save on Acme products.

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries Coyotes are twice as fast as road runners. For a cartoon's sake, a road runner is a great name for a speedy bird, but a road runner can only run 20 mph, while a coyote can reach up to 43 mph. In an all-out footrace, the Road Runner would be Wile. E's dinner for sure. Looney Tunes CRACKED

Warner Bros.

10,000 Birds

That gold jacket would've been Shooter’s for sure.

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries Happy Gilmore Shooter McGavin JBU VS. Happy Gilmore When Happy said, You know what the pathetic thing is? You've been playing golf your whole life, it reminded us that Shooter is, in fact, a seasoned vet. Happy just smacked some balls at a driving range, and learned how to putt on a kid's mini-putt course. CRACKED

Universal Pictures


Even Ralph Macchio agreed… Daniel clearly would’ve been disqualified!

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries The Karate Kid Daniel-San's win is a lie! The now-iconic crane kick was actually an illegal move, because strikes to the face were not permissible. Ralph Macchio has said, No hits to the face was clearly something when the referee made the list of things not to do. CRACKED

Columbia Pictures

The Wrap

The many failures of Michael Myers.

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries Halloween Michael Myers would've murdered Laurie Strode at some point. Jamie Lee Curtis played Laurie Strode in seven Halloween movies, and she survived every one of them. The original was released in 1978, and Halloween Ends dropped in 2022. That's 44 years of failing to kill her. And you call yourself a serial killer? Pffft. CRACKED

Universal Pictures 


You gotta be pretty dumb if these morons can getcha.

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries Harry and Lloyd take out Mental. By killing Harry and Lloyd's parakeet, Petey, the film plays him up like a truly scary henchman, who's no doubt killed people. They kill him with poison, but he's a hired gun who could have popped them on that desolate highway where they picked him up. Dumb and Dumber CRACKED

New Line Cinema


We get it, because “ice” is in the name.

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries JOMA HOLLY 7711 mcc and D2: The Mighty Ducks Team USA would demolish Team Iceland. Iceland is the team to beat, but the International Ice Hockey Federation ranks them 34th in the world, and USA is currently ranked fourth in men's and second in women's. Canada is ranked #1 overall, but it'd be hard for a movie to make Canada look like the big bad villains. The #3 ranked Russians would've made sense, though. CRACKED



Nobody wants to admit it, but…

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries Harry and Marv would have murdered that eight-year-old boy. Or just tied him up and stolen everything in the house. A Season 12 episode of Family Guy spells this out with Home Alone with Competent Robbers. It would've made for a much different Christmas movie, though. Home Alone CRACKED

20th Century Studios


The Ghostbusters should have died saving NYC.

One-Sided Fictional Rivalries It was a lose-lose for everyone involved. About crossing the streams, Egon says, Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light, but they cross them against the Marshmallow Man. It works, and they magically live to fight another day. Ghostbusters CRACKED

Columbia Pictures

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