Being a famous musician comes with a lot of perks. Throngs of adoring fans enamored with your every move. More sex and drugs than one person should ever have access to. And, apparently, the means to get completely idiotic video games commissioned in your name.
In movies, comic books, video games and 80s music videos, street-gangs are assembled around a loose theme, like rollerblading, ancient Vikings, or love of classic opera. That's usually not the case in the real world. Usually.
There are days that everyone knows to be cautious on and then there are these days. Just lurking in the shadows. Waiting to murder you dead.
Experts estimate that men spend ten years of their lives working, three years of their lives going to the bathroom, and four years waiting in line, all of which are subject to fluctuate depending on where you prefer to masturbate.
Contrary to popular belief, the frozen burrito is not the best frozen food metaphor for explaining male emotions.
You have to be amazed by what humans can accomplish when they really, really want to kill each other.
Despite their creations remaining celebrated to this day, some people live out the rest of their days hating the things they made.
Call me 'sir' and talk to me like I'm a fucking adult or call me 'hey you, you stupid little puke' and talk to me like I'm a sticky five-year-old who can't stop shitting himself. Either one of those is fine, but when you combine them, you are doing me and your country a disservice.
Sometimes, the most well-intentioned of laws can backfire like a poorly maintained Pinto, spraying equal parts hilarity and tragedy all over the place.
Look, we're all for making sick people feel better, but 'wonder drug' is way too awesome a phrase to be wasted on mere healing. You say those two words together, we want at least one super power, even if it's a shitty one. Anything besides a pill that gives old people boners.
I am not exactly morbidly obese, but I am fat enough to worry about things that fat people worry about, like clothes. The world has not wanted to see fat people naked since the Renaissance, so we are pretty much forced by our fascist society to wear SOMETHING.
Name your favorite Rocky sequel. Ours is Predator.