Cracked Archive - Movies & TV

The Most Baffling Subtitles in Foreign Action Movie History

When I got into foreign action movies as a kid in the '90s, subtitling was a job we gave to alcoholic head trauma victims to make them feel useful to society again. Those jobs, like many, have since moved online.

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4 Horror Movie Villains That Aren't Scaring Us Anymore

I write screenplays that feature none of this crap, so it can be done! Please buy my screenplay. Or just don't make these movies. Whatevs.

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If 'Dark Knight Rises' Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest

'I had a speech prepared to talk about Aaron Eckhart, but then I realized it would be the film's third podium speech in less than nine minutes.'

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The 5 Most Bafflingly Racist Shows on TV Right Now

It's hard to believe in this day, but you can actually find shows creeping around that seem to not just exist in a vacuum, but revel in just how intolerant or ignorant of race they are.

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6 Movies That Actually Deserve a Remake

Instead of remaking good films that everyone enjoyed, we should be remaking movies that weren't very good.

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5 Old Children's Cartoons Way Darker Than Most Horror Movies

As it turns out, some of the most nightmarish cartoons predate even your grandparents/

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The 7 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Movies of the Decade

Here now are unintentionally hilarious movies -- movies that missed the mark so widely all you can do is cackle through confused tears of joy, delighted by the raw, stupid chaos of the void.

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6 Crucial Movie Scenes That Never Made It Out of the Script

Well look at that, it's not the writer's fault after all!

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5 Celebrity Instructional Videos They'd Like You to Forget

These celebrities just couldn't turn down the chance to whore themselves out for ridiculous instructional videos that, deep down, they knew would help no one except future comedy writers.

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The 6 Most Needlessly Dangerous Jackie Chan Stunts

One of the reasons Jackie Chan movies are so amazing is that he replaces Hollywood magic with balls. However, like all balls, Jackie's didn't always make sense.

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6 Movie Heroes Saved by Gaping Plot Holes

You'd be surprised at how many classic movies break their own rules when it's convenient to the writers

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8 Children's Movies Studios Don't Have the Balls to Make

For my day job, I work for a major feature animation studio, and one of their coolest and most dangerous policies is that any employee can submit a pitch for a movie idea. And I've come up with quite a few ideas that were all unfortunately rejected.

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5 Ways You Don't Realize Movies Are Controlling Your Brain

Movies can't influence people to do anything, because movies are make-believe and every non-crazy member of the audience knows how to separate fact from fiction. Well, the thing is ... that's just wrong.

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5 Inexplicably Creepy Episodes of Family Friendly TV Shows

Sometimes, the makers of these cartoons or sitcoms flip out and decide to create something nightmarish in an apparent 'screw you' to the audience. But what's surprising is that these episodes then get greenlit and air on national television.

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5 Villains Who Went Out of Their Way to Screw Their Own Plan

If you're the type of person who enjoys picking apart movies, by far the easiest (and most amusing) starting point is to simply rewatch the movie from the villain's perspective. What does the villain actually want? Does the way he's going about it make sense at all? The answers are usually ridiculous.

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