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Kazuyuki "Iron Head" Fujita made a fighting career out of having a thick skull. This is that skull's story. Like many mixed martial artists, Fujita started as a wrestler. Unlike many mixed martial artists, he never learned a second skill. It would take him 60 minutes to describe to you what he thinks a kick is, and he attempts submission holds the same way he tries on hats-- confusedly pulling in random directions with no results. That's because his skull is measurably thicker than a normal skull. If you were to take an x-ray of it, you'd fire your medical equipment for coming in to work drunk. He was created by filling a cement truck with coconut sperm, and no one was more surprised than that cement truck. Since he was diagnosed with this head, he has been searching for the man who would one day destroy it. I understand many readers don't follow or relate to the sport of mixed martial arts, but those readers are in luck because I speak fluent Nerd. Each section will have a Nerdsplanation to help everyone enjoy this skull's terrible and ridiculous journey.
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Fujita's Skull vs. Mark Kerr The Birth of F.F.S. In Fujita's fourth professional fight he faced 260-veiny-pounds of world-class wrestling and emotional issues named Mark Kerr. Using a style of kickboxing based around the tango and signaling rescue planes, Fujita hopped around like a scarecrow in gunfire while Mark Kerr blasted him in the face with punches and knees. Mark Kerr wasn't exactly Bruce Lee himself, but when you bench press 600 pounds, just swinging your paw through the air is going to knock salmon out of every river for two miles.
Nerdsplanation: To put the damage Fujita's face took into perspective, steroid users couldn't measure their dicks for an entire year when Mark Kerr hit a button on a calculator and killed the number 2. I'm sure you've seen a shortened bus filled with retarded children. Well, that was just a regular school bus before Mark Kerr waved at it. For three minutes, everything either fighter did resulted in a hard part of Mark Kerr getting smashed into Fujita's medically impossible head. It looked like an industrial training video on how to turn a human into soup using just one naked man. If I was Fujita's family, I would have already been ordering a box of gorilla-sized diapers and flash cards so he could relearn all our names. But this face-suicide was all part of Fujita's plan. After five minutes of savage anaerobic assault, Mark Kerr's brain and body agreed that it was time to give up. He went fetal and Fujita punched the back of his head for 10 minutes. Which, in back-of-the-head time, is