On Tuesday morning at 7:32 AM, beloved billionaire and felineÂ HermesÂ Moopy Woopy passed away at age 12 due toÂ congenital heart failureÂ and being too adorable.Â He is survived only by his favorite piece of string, to which he has left his entire estate.Â When asked for comment about plans for its new fortune, the string said, ââ¦â¦,â probably because itâs just a piece of string.
Years ago, Mr. Moopy Woopy was left forty thousand dollars by his deceased master and self-proclaimed âgross cat ladyâ Gertrude Eleanor Paddock.Â She was survived only by Moopy Woopy (and her entire family whom she did not like nor respect).Â Upon receiving the money, Moopy Woopy immediately began making wise investments and crafty business deals.Â It wasnât long before that forty thousand dollars turned into millions and eventually billions.Â His company, Innocat, employs over 100,000Â scratching postsÂ and has given millions to charities all around the living room.Â In 2004, Innocatâs Purr Division released a much-needed cure forÂ adorable cat sneezesÂ and this past summer marked the 10 year anniversary of the release of Cuddle â98, a technology which makes pink, pink paw pads even pinker.
If you wish to pay your respects, a vigil will be held Friday morning underneath a couch.
Being a household name doesn't exactly make someone a role model.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.