On Tuesday morning at 7:32 AM, beloved billionaire and feline Hermes Moopy Woopy passed away at age 12 due to congenital heart failure and being too adorable. He is survived only by his favorite piece of string, to which he has left his entire estate. When asked for comment about plans for its new fortune, the string said, “……,” probably because it’s just a piece of string.
Years ago, Mr. Moopy Woopy was left forty thousand dollars by his deceased master and self-proclaimed “gross cat lady” Gertrude Eleanor Paddock. She was survived only by Moopy Woopy (and her entire family whom she did not like nor respect). Upon receiving the money, Moopy Woopy immediately began making wise investments and crafty business deals. It wasn’t long before that forty thousand dollars turned into millions and eventually billions. His company, Innocat, employs over 100,000 scratching posts and has given millions to charities all around the living room. In 2004, Innocat’s Purr Division released a much-needed cure for adorable cat sneezes and this past summer marked the 10 year anniversary of the release of Cuddle ‘98, a technology which makes pink, pink paw pads even pinker.
If you wish to pay your respects, a vigil will be held Friday morning underneath a couch.