Things To Be Thankful For In A World Of Unrelenting Horror

With life comes possibilities. Things can get better! Or worse! But hopefully better!
Things To Be Thankful For In A World Of Unrelenting Horror

It's interesting how the last year managed to last ten years. Either the sheer weight of the bullshit has bent the fabric of spacetime, or the human mind just wasn't built to process 30 outrage headlines a day.

But hey, we're still alive! You and I as organisms, and Cracked as a business. And with life comes possibilities. Things can get better! Or worse! But hopefully better! So with that, here are a bunch of things we should all be thankful for.

Any Video Of Capybaras In A Hot Tub

Things To Be Thankful For In A World Of Unrelenting Horror
via YouTube

There's probably some fascinating explanation behind what I'm seeing there. (Do you have to keep capybaras in hot water? Are they being cooked?) I don't ever want to know it.

ISIS Has Absolutely Gotten Its Ass Kicked This Year

Yep, while a bunch of other awful nonsense dominated the headlines, ISIS was utterly obliterated on the battlefield, and no longer controls any major cities anywhere. Suck it, dicks!

That We Have Someone At Cracked Who Can Write Things Like This

Kristi Harrison, on why sexual assault victims don't come forward:

Now that you -- an interesting, fun, smart, ambitious person who has a million things to accomplish -- have been assaulted or harassed, you have a choice. You can tuck this Bad Thing away in your brain and keep living your life as normally as possible, or you can step into the second part of the nightmare of assault: the part where you describe the experience over and over again in front of people who may or may not believe you, who might actually be paid to tear you to shreds in public, and who can destroy every dream or ambition you've ever had for yourself. Oh, and if you choose to step forward, your name and your assailant's name will be linked forever and ever, even after you die. When people think of you, they'll also think of him. That's what you're signing up for when you come forward.

(Full article here.)

That You Can Write Stuff Like That Too

If you've got stuff to say and a certain knack for saying it, regardless of your background, you can click here and get paid to do it, plus have your voice heard by hundreds of thousands of people. Kristi clicked that exact link about ten years ago, and now she runs that whole thing. Maybe years from now you can depose her and take over! End her cruel reign!

How Badly We Outnumber The Monsters

When a few dozen white nationalists rallied in Tennessee last month, nearly a thousand people showed up to counter them. And that's the ratio you see everywhere. We outnumber them by a hilarious margin. The opposite only seems true because they create the illusion of numbers via noise. That's always been their trick -- don't fall for it.

This Person Who Rigged Their Amazon Alexa To Speak Through One Of Those Novelty Talking Fish

The future is here, and I wouldn't go back for any reason.

This Headline, Photo, And News Story

Ottawa archbishop surprised by negative reaction to robotic spider on cathedral Aug 1,2017 by Deborah Gyapong Catholic News Service World Arlant mecha
National Catholic Repoter

I mean, their reaction didn't prevent them from being enslaved by the giant robot spider, but it was still awkward.

That There Are Ways To Keep Cool Stuff On The Web

If you like Cracked and want to support what we do, you can become a subscriber by clicking here, and in the process make the ads go away and get lots of bonus stuff (including access to a huge number of Stitcher's premium podcasts, in addition to ours). If you don't feel like committing to something as serious as a subscription, but want to throw us a few dollars to keep the content flowing or just assuage your guilt over blocking the ads, you can do that by clicking here.

The Kids Are Alright

Teen pregnancies have plummeted 51 percent in a decade -- an incredibly fast turnaround for a public health issue. Our ability to mobilize as a society and change behavior is unprecedented, even if it's not always used for good.

This Toddler Getting Startled By A Goat Fart

This needs the audio:

He learned an important lesson that day.

That We Also Have People Who Can Write Things Like This

We walk around thinking we're brilliant, no matter how many times we get our head stuck in an alligator or our genitals stuck in an alligator. I can prove it: I think I'm smart enough to write an article on intelligence, and the only book I've read is the movie Bloodsport.

That's Seanbaby, from this article about the five stupidest kinds of people.

That You Can Also Write Stuff Like That

That site is this one, and our process for finding writers is the same one we've had since 2007: Join up and start submitting article ideas. We don't care who you are or where you're from.

This Random Cat Showing Up In A Reporter's Live Shot At The Exact Right Time

"There have been spottings of a cougar and that's not it, that looks like a housecat ... "

This Corgi Trying To Share His Bone With The Dog In The Mirror

Things To Be Thankful For In A World Of Unrelenting Horror
Eric Smith/Twitter

... While the mirror dog repeatedly tries to do the same.

This "Unboxing" Video

I swear I didn't make this, a couple of random readers posted it out of the blue:

(That's my book!)

The Black Musician Who Dedicated His Life To Rescuing People From Hate Groups

His name is Daryl Davis. He does it peacefully, and has been hugely successful at it. Monsters change their minds, kids. All the time. I sure as hell did.

You Can Be A Hero And Help Us Make Bigger And Better Stuff

We want to keep making stuff, and let the people making the stuff buy food. You probably hate looking at ads. Consider subscribing to solve both of those problems, or if you want to toss a few spare dollars in our imaginary tip jar, contribute here.

This Fish Orgasm

Things To Be Thankful For In A World Of Unrelenting Horror
via YouTube

David Wong is the Executive Editor at Cracked, and his new book has a perfect five-star rating on Amazon after more than 250 reviews. That means it's apparently the best thing ever written!

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Curious about Seanbaby's love of the film Bloodsport? Well click the Bloodsport link, and watch Bloodsport. It's good s--t. Invite us over and we'll join you!

For more check out 5 Reasons Holidays Are Secretly Crucial To Our Survival and 5 Things I'm Secretly Thankful for This Thanksgiving.

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