They Make Our Crazy Mass Murderers Seem Almost Pleasant
I usually try not to delve into macabre subjects on this here blog; others have shown us all what can happen when you admit to finding child mutilation hilarious. Aside from Dan O'Brien taking an immediate interest in you, I mean. So when I say today's post is about a lot of people getting killed in Japan, understand that I am only tackling the subject because it deeply concerns me, and is happening somewhere far away, to people I’ll probably never meet. And yet, I am terrified. Terrified because near as I can tell, the Japanese people are in the throes of a massive Takashi Miike re-enactment. For those who aren’t familiar with Miike, he’s the Director of such gems as Audition, wherein a cute schoolgirl force-feeds a man a bowl of his own vomit and cuts his limbs off with wire. And I think their steady diet of the most intense horror the world has ever known may have finally gotten to them, because they are currently having a rash of killings the likes of which Wes Craven can only masturbate to. Here are some things that have happened in Japan, a country roughly the size of Madison, Wisconsin:
A young man rented a truck, drove it into a crowded intersection, and then started stabbing as many people as he could. He also left forums posts and text messages leading up to the murders, and his self-proclaimed motive was that he “hated the world” and “was bored with life.”
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael watches 3 Extremes through squinty eyes as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!