I am a fan of sex. Even when it's not nuzzling against my lap, I find it heartwarming to know it's still out there in the world. Yet sadly, there are people who insist on handling it recklessly. The lack of care isn't born from cruelty but rather ignorance. I know this because I have watched over three hours of startling and confusing videos on YouTube labeled, "sexy" and wept for what I found. Like a child holding a new tool, the YouTube community understands the inherent power but has no concept of how to wield it. Somehow the years of sex education have failed them. I aim to fix that. Where gym teachers were unsuccessful I will triumph. I will crack the door and shed light onto the dark and humid room of fornication. But the first step toward understanding what sex should be is to identify what it almost certainly is not.
The Intent:This woman demonstrates a firm understanding in the male attraction to visual stimuli. By cramming large items in her mouth she stands a good chance of attracting someone interested in that skill set. She also shows tremendous forethought by dressing up for the occasion. Her sparkling earrings compliment her smoky eye shadow, and the lip gloss shines as if to say, "Hey, right here! You should concentrate here, where I'm stuffing this plastic tube of something!" Where the Wheels Came Off:
In the same way a slant rhyme can ruin a poem, so too can a bottle of hair gel ruin a sideways pretend blowjob; the ingredients are there, but something feels gravely wrong. How can a woman who shows such focused consideration toward her own appearance not find an object a little more phallic and a little less toxic to fellate? I imagine most viewers are generally worried for her health because any gel in a tube like that has a way of coating the outside of the bottle and it's probably not intended for ingestion. Furthermore, the atmosphere raises several questions: Why is it shot sideways? Why is the TV on? Is that water running? I'm willing to chalk the sideways angle up to artistic intent but there sound of the distant shower is too unsettling to ignore. Either there's someone else home, which is far from ideal, or that's her shower, in which case I'm a little upset that she's so cavalier about wasting water while she sucks on hair gel for a minute and a half.
It's Not Licking a Bottle of Hair Gel