Despite old adages, love is not permanent. It is an amorphous blob of passion that transforms endlessly, appearing one minute as a flickering light of purpose toward which you struggle, and the next as a quiet hatred sitting in the passenger seat of your car, shaking its head because you forgot to shave. Naturally, you have a lot of questions, and according to the millions of Internet searches on the topic of love, you are not alone.

But the Internet is taking advantage of your ignorance. All the private questions you posed to Google about sex and relationships are stored and sold to companies who only want to feed you advertisements disguised as answers.

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This is the face of betrayal.

Gone are the days when you could get a straight response from an objective third party who cares just enough to be honest but not enough to judge you.

Well you are in good hands now. A month ago I introduced Uncle Frank, the sole person on the Internet willing to answer your intimate or embarrassing questions with the sincerity and candor they deserve, and today he's here to help the lovesick. The following are 6 unedited search queries and the best possible advice for each. So sit back, relax and have your questions answered by a guy who really shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place...

Uncle Frank's Frank Advice: Honest, Anonymous, and Bigotry-Flavored Relationship Advice How Do You Make a Pregnancy Test Say Positive? OK. so first I

Uncle Frank's Frank Advice: Unfiltered Adivce on Relationships, Friendships, and Battleships Does Taking My Last Name Mean I Own Her? Technically yes,

Uncle Frank's Frank Advice: How Come You Never Come to See Me On Vistor Days? What Happens If I Cast Two Love Spells at Once on the Same Person? hate

Uncle Frank's Frank Advice: Intimate Advice from a Penal Perspective Grabbing and Touching Breasts Makes Them Bigger? Yep. Yours. Uncle Frank

Uncle Frank's Frank Advice: A 9mm Carbine Uzi of Honesty Can I Catch Autism from an Autistic Hooker? Man, I sure hope not. If there's one thing I know

Uncle Frank's Frank Advice: Open Answers and Tactical Truth for the Battlefield of Love Can a Dead Spirit Get You Pregnant? Every now and then souls s

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