You know the fancy pants bar because something about the name will typically piss you off. The Rusted Pumpernickel, the Weathered Bettina, the Anal Passage ... Or they'll take an Irish pub and class it up until it's painful nonsense: Sgt. McGornicle's Gaelic Blarney. You'll go there because you're an insufferable douche or because the place you want to go to is too crowded and what are you supposed to do, not drink?
The Selection Offered & What You Order
I don't know. The beers are never the same, and they come with a menu to describe them all, and you can do a taste test with a tiny cup. There will be a citrusy beer, a super hoppy beer, an insanely high alcoholic content beer, a beer you eat with a knife and a fork, a beer that pretends to be a light normal lager that is inexplicably messed up in some way you won't be able to articulate and you will wonder if you got a bad one or if it's supposed to taste that way. And all of it will be way too expensive.
Be sure to ask us about available financing for our finest imported microbrew!"