Wait. What? Doesn't a DVR just record things and then play those back?
No. That's dumb. Every DVR contains a time shifter. It's a small piece of a dying star, which, by spinning very rapidly, allows the DVR to distort the flow of time.
That doesn't seem very likely.
Yeah, let's ask the guy with his pants around his ankles for advice on DVR maintenance.
I'm just going to pull these up now if that's OK with you.
Oh, were you waiting for my permission? Yes, please pull up your pants and any other wang-covering garments, thank you.
You're welcome. So how do I fix the DVR?
If you could somehow reverse the polarity of the time shifter ...
No, I was just fucking with you. I don't know. Try poking at it with that screwdriver.
Isn't that dangerous?
Plastic handle, right? You should be fine. What's the alternative? You sitting there not masturbating?
You're right! Fuck Comcast! Fuck electricity!
-He starts stabbing the DVR with a screwdriver.-
It's glowing! The time shifter! It's spinning out of control!
Stop stabbing it!
I can't! The screwdriver is stuck!
-The screwdriver is snagged by the time shifter, sending it dangerously out of balance.-
Get out of there!
-He doesn't. The universe is destroyed.-
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Oh damn it all to hell!
My stupid DVR is broken!
Nothing. Have we done this one already? I swear we've done one of these before.
I don't think so.
That's ... weird. OK. So, you've ripped off the cover of your DVR, and you're prodding at it with a screwdriver.
And your pants are off because you were trying to yank it, but couldn't because Gary Busey is looking at you.
Now that you mention it, this is all sounding really familiar.
Well, I imagine you've yanked it to Under Siege many times before.
Most definitely. But, I mean, yanking it under these specific circumstances. I'm getting a real odd sensation of deja vu.