8 Shirts That Will Change Your Life

Black Friday, as we've mentioned before, was accidentally created by news networks with nothing better to report on except kitchen fires. Until 2003, it was actually one of the least-shopped days of the year, presumably because people can tolerate being home with their loved ones for at least two days in a row, but now it's blossomed into a reckless and beautiful sprint to accrue as much crap as possible in a 24-hour period. It's a tradition, we should mention, with which we are completely on board. In fact, we'd like to celebrate this nonsense holiday built for mindless consumerism by jumping on the bandwagon, except we won't make you get up at 4 a.m. to do it, and we won't even require that you put on pants.

We're offering 15 percent off all shirts throughout the entire trypto-filled weekend with the aptly named promo code: TRYPTOPHANWEEKEND. So sleep in on Friday, or Saturday, or, hell, stay in a butter coma until Sunday night -- the deal still stands. Oh, and did we mention we have new shirts we want to trade for your money? Well, we do. Consider this deal sweetened:

Three New Shirts!

Created by Stephanie Cowan for our September Design Contest

Created by Casey Hoerr for our October Design Contest

And for a limited time only:

Created by Scott Matteson for our October Design Contest

Three brand-new shirts that look great individually and even better when they're all worn at once. And, assuming there are no hiccups in the advancement of clothing technology, we anticipate that by the time this article is live, these shirts will also be able to massage you as you wear them while simultaneously providing stimulating conversation about football, HBO programming, whiskeys, and a variety of other preprogrammed interests! Please don't let us down, the future, we're counting on you.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

Each week, we like to deliberately hurt ourselves by scouring the Internet for other people who are doing what we do, except better. We look for all the T-shirt designs out there that we are jealous we didn't think of first, and then we gift them to you, because we have no idea how to be happy. Enjoy, I guess.