Not A Video of Teen Girls Beating Their Schoolmate Senseless: The Daily 4PMer (EST)!

TEEN GIRL GETS BEATEN BY 8 OTHER TEENS I was all set to bring you guys yet another hilarious web video fished from the bowels of Youtube today (as I have for months in this recurring segment we lovingly call "the 4PMer"), when they went and took the damn thing down. See, I was wading through the usual retinue of 80’s toy commercials, ugly people performing magic to a hi-8 camera, and chimps shitting on themselves, when I stumbled upon this flat-out hilarious video of six teen girls beating the living crap out of a schoolmate while she sobs and begs not to be hit anymore. LOLZ! They ended up hospitalizing her and damaging her sight and hearing; THAT’S how funny it was. And even better, it went on for half an hour! That’s like a full episode of Cheers! Alas, all I can find now is this lame news report about the attackers being put in jail. I guess it’s still kind of funny…I mean you’ve got the mother of one of the attackers blaming the beaten girl, the two boyfriends who proved their manliness by serving as lookouts, and of course it still retains some of the innate fun of the initial beating. So while I couldn’t find the full video, I hope you’ll agree that I, Ross Wolinsky, have still done my best to bring you the funniest Youtube content available. Tomorrow: a video of eight babies laughing! Sincerely, Ross Wolinsky.
When not blogging for Cracked, Ross Wolinsky wishes he were head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
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