If you haven't seen the Comfort Wipe yet on your television or Internet machine, feel free to click on any of these words for more information. For the click-impaired, a quick synopsis: It's a little grabby-arm used for wiping your ass. The ads claim proudly that it's great for old people and "big guys" and is the first major advancement in wiping your ass since the 1880s (I'm not making that up).I am honestly a little suspicious that it it's a real product. However, please don't let the fact that this may not be a real product negatively affect your enjoyment of the following tale of my attempts to return one, which I can assure you is not fictional in any way.__
CALL CENTER LOG: 06/14/09 11:34 CST
TELEBRANDS CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE: TeleBrands, this is Marci speaking, how may I help you?
CALLER: Hi, uh, Marci. I need to return a product I ordered.
CSR: All right, sir. Do you have the order number with you? It should be on the invoice that was shipped with the product.
CALLER: Yup, just give me a second. OK, got it. It's A662-BN2453-02334.
CSR: OK, I'll just pull that up on the computer for you. This is Chris?
CALLER: Yes! That's me.
CSR: And I see you ordered a Comfort Wipe package. We actually don't allow returns for that particular product.
CALLER: Why not?
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CSR: Well it doesn't say here, but I'm guessing for hygiene reasons? We really have no facilities for handling used Comfort Wipes.
CALLER: Oh, I get it. Yeah, I don't know what I'd do with a bunch of those either. You'd need like a hazmat team and a priest, huh? OK. Well this one is still in the original packaging if that helps.
CSR: Oh. OK. Yes, I think that does. OK, can I ask why you're returning it?
CALLER: It was a gift for someone who has requested to no longer receive gifts from me.
CSR: I see, all r...
CALLER: It was an anniversary present. Or, was going to be an anniversary present. Not any more. So on the plus side, no more anniversary presents!
CSR: Yes, I think I can see why.
CALLER: Also on the plus side, no more anniversaries!
CSR: Uhhh...
CALLER: I'm just having fun with you. Seriously, I've made a horrible mistake here. This is a real bad scene I've got myself into.
CSR: I'll bet.
CALLER: Look, OK? She thought