If 'Twilight' Was About Dragons (And Contained More Fisting)
Well folks, it finally happened. I sold a book to Harlequin Book Publishers' brand new imprint, Harlequin Teens. Without giving too much away, it's really a perfect fit for the Teens branch of Harlequin which, according to Harlequin, is designed solely to print books "specifically developed for readers of Twilight." Yes. An imprint was created strictly to write more books like Twilight, as sales of adult books are down and sales of teen romance novels infused with supernatural elements are way, way up because adults are all switching over to these teen books. I know what you're thinking, and I know that nothing about my entire body would suggest that I'm even vaguely interested in Teen Fiction, but the fact is I've been wanting to write one of these Magical-Softcore-Pseudoporn books for a long time, for reasons completely unrelated to the fact that the book industry as a whole is dying and books like Twilight and Those Other Twilight Books are the only books that people actually buy any more. Total coincidence, because I truly believe in this book, which is why I'm giving all you folks a special preview. Enjoy! Synopsis In a sentence, this is a story about Bonita Ingénue a 15-year-old, misunderstood young woman who gets rescued from her provincial, boring life and whisked away to a fantastical world of exciting, sensual, magic and erotic, thick, penetrating whimsy. At the beginning of our tale, she leaves her hometown of Backstory, Massachusetts for the excitement and intrigue of Excitetrigue, Colorado. The kids at her new school are all impressed with how
Bonnie accepts Theo for who he is and Theo appreciates how unobtrusive and malleable Bonnie is. Together, and against the wishes of Bonnie's parents, they get into some pretty
Theo walked slowly, yet purposefully down the halls of the school. In many ways, Theo was somewhat of a paradox, a contained contradiction; he stalked the halls with an ambivalent carelessness, seemingly ignoring the whole of the world around him, and yet he carried himself, somehow with a total natural awareness of his surroundings. When you saw him, you felt as if he couldn't be reached, as if he was so enveloped in his own world that he couldn't possibly notice you, but still, he knew somehow precisely where you were and what you were doing and, in Bonita's case, what she was doing was staring directly at him.
"Keep dreaming, Bonnie," Bonita's friend said. Bonita had never had a nickname before. She reacted with indifference. "Theo doesn't date anybody. He's out of everyone's league. See you in class." She's not in the book anymore. While Bonita's friend walked off in a direction, Bonita continued to watch the mysterious and mysterious Theo. She still couldn't quite put her finger on what exactly it was that separated Theo from the other boys, even as she sat watching him blast fire from his gaping mouth. She sat there emotionlessly, drool trickling down her chin, watching Theo for a little while longer. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but probably wasn't, Theo approached her, his horns pointing out like dongs atop his head, and his dong, confident and powerful, protruding from his dong-region like a massive horn. "You must be Bonita," Theo said, his voice low and warm, and with just a hint of mischief. He sounded the way that drives girls crazy, like an American Idol or an iPod or whatever. His eyes, the color of coals (black), seemed to be staring directly into Bonita's soul. A warming chill sent sweaty shivers up Bonita's spine. "I am," Bonita said, registering neither shock nor joy at the realization that Theo knew her name. "I was about to go to lunch," Theo whispered, his pointed dragon teeth looking like a bunch of finely sharpened dongs. "Are you hungry?" "No."
Chapters: Prologue: I'm Making Up My Own Rules About Dragons So Go To Hell 1. The Road to Colorado 2. The First Day of School 3. Meeting Theo 4. Theo Has a Secret! 5. He's a Dragon, Is the Secret 6. Inside Theo's Tower 7. Seeing An Angel 8. Getting All Up In That Angel 9. Young Hearts 10. Wise Beyond Her Age 11. No One is Too Young For Love 12. Dragon Years (Are Like Accelerated Human Years, So It's OK) 13. The Age-Related Laws When it Comes to Sex Are Completely Arbitrary, When You Think About It 14. What Does "Consent" Even Mean? Consent From Whom? The Law Is Not Clear 15. The Second Day of School 16. Thug Life 17. Trouble (In Paradise) 18. A Restless Passion 19. Fisting (In Paradise) 20. The Cullens - 21. The Chapter With the Fighting 22. Theo's Swollen, Throbbing Boathouse- 23. Epilogue: The Lessons Dragons Teach Us Author Bio My name is Daniel O'Brien and I am an Internet Daniel. I've been writing semi-professionally for the Internet semi-soberly for the past few years. Writing for the Internet is to literature what aimlessly punching statues in the nuts is to karate, which is to say that it makes me slightly more qualified than your average, mentally disadvantaged homeless man. The only lesson learned in my many years of trudging through the murky, putrid swamp of brain-rot that is the World Wide Web is that I want to stop writing for the Internet as soon as possible, even if it means completely compromising any laughable sense of integrity for the sake of cashing in on the Supernatural Teen Monster Bullshit genre.
I'll be at Comic-Con all weekend alternately reporting on the events and trolling for nerd ass. Follow my adventures on Twitter and, if you're in San Diego, bail me out of prison.