LiLo Leaves Rehab Sober, Realizes Her Career Is Over

With LiLo leaving rehab after a solid month locked up in Utah's hellish Cirque Lodge (which, if their website is to be believed, offers substance abusers all the benefits of pristine landscapes, horseback riding and awesome-looking helicopters), her next move is anyone's guess. Will she return to Hollywood and feebly attempt to "work" again, or is she seriously considering going back to school as some have suggested?

"Despite what so many people think, Lindsay is an incredibly smart girl and always wanted to have that college experience.

"She has looked into a few institutions on the east coast and will most likely major in something like psychology. At this stage, New York University is a hot favourite."

Which "college experience" is she talking about, exactly? The one where her roommate turns out to be a devout Catholic but they learn to get along despite their differences? Eating Kraft Easy Mac in a pair of flannel pajama pants? Penny draft night?

Can you imagine sharing a dorm room with Lindsay Lohan? It would probably be cool for about ten seconds. First you'd be like "Whoa - this girl can party," but then you'd be like "Whoa - this girl can't stop partying." I smell a reality TV show in here somewhere. It'd be like The Real World meets Survivor meets a ravenous red-headed drug-wolf: LiLo moves into an NYU dorm for incoming freshmen, and anyone in the building who manages to actually pass their classes wins. Oh - and one of her roommates will be "ethnic" in some way - maybe Chinese or Indian or something.

There should probably also be a former-army drill sergeant who lives in the dorm and forces her to study. That'll make it like those send-my-bratty-kid-to-boot-camp specials on daytime talk shows, only way more awesome because instead of being a bratty kid it's a bratty mid-20s celebrity with substance abuse problems. He can wake LiLo up really early and calls her names and stuff. I think I'll call it Making The Grade. Are you reading this, FOX?

To turn on reply notifications, click here

0 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV

The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.

78

5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent

Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.

124

5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories

There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.

162

4 More Anticipated Movies That Are In Serious Trouble

Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.

92

5 Reasons Gender-Flipped Remakes Never Work

Hollywood has taken the entirely wrong message from its box office receipts.

268

5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work

Some days you just don't want to go to work.

78