Jack Thompson Discovers Greater Gaming-Related Threat Than GTA IV
Concerned parents of America, a blight has infected our children with perversion and bloodlust, and it is our duty to stand against it. No, not gang violence, or street drugs. I'm talking about the digitized filth of video gaming, and particularly the latest travesty in a series of affronts to family values. That's right; I’m talking about Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm. Now, I know many of you grew up in the era when video games didn’t fill the player with an insatiable urge to hump and kill things, all the while “tripping on balls.” There was a time when the worst you could expect was to see a frog get crushed by a truck, and after watching this year's crop of toads destroy my wife’s herb garden, I wouldn’t be too unhappy if kids imitated those games. But today games aren’t all PacMoon and Man Patrol. Today, games like Deadliest Catch (I believe a reference to Herpes Simplex II) teach our kids to drink hot blood and put their penises into holes God never meant there to be penises in. Like mouths. Some of my detractors have said that I have no right to judge a game before playing it. Well let me tell you something: I can judge whatever I want. You’re a heathen. See? I did it right there. And there’s no way in
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael tries to catch up on episodes of Peep Show as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!