I've got your Stimulating Package right here...


Penis Joke #3 While searching for pictures for this article, I found this horse with an awesome name. He's available to stud too, which explains why he has a nicer website than mine.
Beyond that, I don't have the economics background to really dive into the nitty-gritty of the stimulus bill - although neither do any of the politicians voting on it. But as I understand it, the stimulus will do the most good if it's spent (duh), so putting the money where it's going to get spent in a hurry feels like the sanest move. And the fastest places it's going to get spent is by state governments (those guys are so fucking broke) or by building infrastructure projects. I'd put much less priority on other options, like tax cuts, education grants or expanded medical insurance. Although those programs would have the effect of putting money directly or indirectly into the hands of individuals, those individuals would likely put most of it into savings accounts or pay off credit cards. In short, instead of spending your stimulus money on disposable consumer products, you'd tuck it away for a rainy day like some kind of pussy.
Seeing as we can't trust people like you to not do something sensible with your money, infrastructure projects look like the way to go. As an aid to the treasury secretary (I heard he's a fan) here then are my suggestions for infrastructure projects which can be implemented quickly and will have a lasting positive/comedic effect:
Add an extra security lane at the airport.
A separate mass transit system just for homeless people to sleep on.
Backyard pools for everyone.
Leave piles of dirt around town for people to jump cars off of.
Ballpits for adults. Dig up any useless old park and fill the hole with balls.
Public bidets.
A lane on each highway that can only be used by people who really need it.
An Energon Production facility or two, so we can finally lure some Transformers to Earth.
A big net to suspend over the Energon Production facility.
__