If you look at children's magazines from 60 years ago, there is a stunning lack of safety. For a generation raised on baby-proofing, Nerf, and To Catch a Predator, every feature and advertisement seems like a clumsy scam by medical suppliers to sell more size small body bags.

In the '50s, children had jobs as door-to-door salesmen and they were paid in weapons and bikes. If you tried that today, the first person to answer the door would be arrested for attempted sexual misconduct with a minor and the child would be shot for riding a bike without a helmet.

A generation ago, children knew exactly how many times you had to pump a Daisy gun to break human skin. Their bubble gum gave them instructions on how to crack a bullwhip. They knew how many firecrackers it took to render a mailbox unusable, and their only fire escape plan was a wet towel and a sprint. We need to bring that lack of safety back. The only thing safety does is ruin a good day at the shooting range. It's like we're raising our kids in the hopes that Chinese invaders will mistake them for pillows.

That's why I've taken the lessons from the '50s and written a children's magazine that pulls up the skirt of modern sensitivity and gives it an accidental pregnancy. Young fellows, you're about to become men.

FUCRIN SHET P for lads and boys 18c SEP Exciting tales of danger and eroticism For ages 4 and up!

will know! so RAL.. no one (and tell!) HE'LL never Wolves? Poor judgement? Seeing too much? Troop leaders, there are million areat reasons why a scout

ADVERTISEMENT FELLAS! KILL ME. KILL ME IF YOU CAN. IM A LITTLE BOY IN A TENT HOLDING CASH. But wait, there's more. I'm also surrounded by weapons and

ON THE NEXT PAGE CONTINUED T.N.T.

TRUE TRAVIS! TALES OF YOUNG ATHLETICS PRESENTS... THE UNMOLESTABLE BOY! In these uncertain times, there's one thing we can be certain of-- everyone OF

ADVERTISEMENT BOBCAT BAILEY RANGER BOBY! IN... AND DOUBLE THE RESCUE! CHUM MOUINTAIN AFTER TWINS! BOBBYF GUN BEFORE HA LET ME GIVE IT SHOT. BAING

Seanbaby is a treasured Internet icon and the creator of Seanbaby.com. Follow him on Twitter.

For more, see 9 Trends in Advertising We'll Never See Again, If Awesome Lunatics Ran Airlines, and 5 Movies We Hope Any Potential Alien Invaders Have Seen.

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