How to Social Network for Women on Valentine's Day
I woke up this Valentine's Day like I wake up most days: cold and alone, ready to ignore the plights of everyday life. Because it's 2010, the first thing I did was check my e-mail (or "electronic-m," depending on how stupid you are). "Hooray!" I shouted with glee. "An electronic-m from my mommy!" Happy Valentine's Day, it said. Hope you're not too wonewy! Thinking of yousies! Wuv, momsey womsey! "FUCK!" I shouted with considerably less glee. "It's Valentine's Day? I need a date or I'll CRY!" But how was I to find such a thing in this work-a-day world? A bar? Those aren't open at this hour. A pottery class? I'm already an expert potter. The bank? That's barely a suggestion. A fourth thing? Now I'm just going too far. Having already shot down every idea I could think of to get some swink (a slut who winks at you because she likes you), I decided to go the easy way: Online dating. But is it easy? Oh, my gosh, I'm so going to tell you. I thought I'd give Facebook a shot first, because even not sad and not lonely people use Facebook. I set my status and waited for the offers to roll in. Unfortunately, this was my first response: