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This weekend at the MTV Movie Awards, dozens of awards were given out to people whose names I didn't recognize. I've never been a big MTV Movie Awards aficionado or anything, but seriously, I have no idea who these people are anymore. They're all in singing vampire movies, right? Singing vampire movies about abstinence, right? And people watch that? Kids these days are idiots. Gimme Kevin Bacon anger-dancing through an old factory any day.
There were a couple people older than 20 at the awards however, and they did interact with each other in
a testactular fashion. Bruno, a fashionista with comedic mannerisms (i.e. super-gay) played by Sacha Baron Cohen, entered the theater swooping through the air on a harness. Notably, he was wearing wings and something which I'm going to go ahead and describe as a bedazzled jock strap. Mid-flight he hit some technical difficulties, and descended head first into the lap of Eminem, famous for his talky-songs about berating women. This arrangement of bodies had the remarkable effect of positioning Bruno's cock, balls and ass right in the face of the rapper, who appeared to be dissatisfied with the arrangement.
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As a comedy writer I have text files littered all over my computer, half written bits and ideas from my years working the dick-joke-beat. And like most normal and healthy young men, I also have a fascination with putting my balls on popular rap artists. So upon hearing this news I realized that years ago I had written up a list of different ways one could put their testicles on Eminem, something I had originally intended to put up on my Geocities page, under my pen name at the time "~Dongwriter32"
After cleaning it up a bit and removing the ones that could get me on various no-fly lists, I proudly present to you a list of methods for how to get your balls on Eminem. Hopefully you find it enjoyable, and maybe even useful, perhaps if you're a