Pitch #4 â Offer Free iPads
Every fan who signs up with this program will give permission for Dr. Pepper agents to send messages from their profile to everyone in their friend list, offering them the opportunity to win a free iPad. The links within said messages will redirect to web sites established by Cok_1_neta Incorporated, Coca-Cola's phishing subsidiary based out of Russia, promoting cross-brand synergy. One free iPad will eventually be offered eight years after the program is concluded, but it will be pre-enjoyed, and littered with Russian pornography and recipe ideas.
Pitch #5 â Cyberbullying
By partnering with the toughest 10-year-olds available, we will identify the weakest Dr. Pepper enthusiasts within our program, and using a systematic program of threats and intimidation, inhibit their ability to feel joy. This will result in improved Dr. Pepper sales as a consequence of the well established (Despondence -> Dr. Pepper Consumption) causality, and should also make everyone within the organization feel like a bigger man.
Pitch #6 â Amateur Pornography
Every fan who signs up with this advertising program will be convinced, using modern seduction techniques, to participate in a series of amateur pornography shoots, to "earn a little extra money for school." Dr. Pepper agents will assure users that these will be softcore only, and extremely classy, which as the first lines in a carefully designed pyramid of lies, will soon lead our fans down a path that will eventually result in them never speaking to their parents again as well as fulfilling the dampest fantasies of the sodaphilia fetish community.
Pitch #7 â Use Fans' Status Updates About Vacations to Rob Their Houses
People are always posting updates about their vacation plans, and by using this information along with the DNA/address database all corporations have been assembling since the 1990s, Dr. Pepper agents will be able to rob their houses, making hundreds if not thousands of dollars at a time. Given the number of vans you own, and the near uniform amorality present in your company's culture, it's actually a little surprising you haven't done this already. Also, this will provide you a rock solid supply chain for your planned entry into the growing DBOTS* retail industry