Look at them, sitting there, scheming their tiny little schemes.And it's because of that premise, and also because Cracked does not endorse any type of illegal activity at all (unless it's hilarious,) that I'm not going to write an article about how to take pictures of attractive young ladies on the bus. Even if they are asking for it by using mass transit like dirty little whores. Instead I'm going to write an article about how to take pictures of Congressman Peter King without his clothes on. And you're going to read it. You're actually like a third of the way done already. Kudos! How to Take Pictures of Congressman Peter King without his clothes on. Conceal a web cam in an area where Congressman Peter King is likely to get naked. A change room at a gym, the upstairs shower in his home, a barn. Use a cell phone camera, but make a loud covering noise to drown out the camera when you take a picture of Congressman Peter King. Again obviously you'll need to be in an area where he's likely to be naked (Turkish Bath.) For the sound itself, a cough works well here, as does a fart, or a noisy disavowal of the ownership of a previous fart. Offer Congressman Peter King money to pose naked. If he refuses, offer him more money. Repeat. This will work with almost everyone actually, often sooner than you may think. Everyone has their price, and it has been empirically determined that most legislators price will be between 400 and 500 dollars - more in election years. Use X-Ray Specs. Does anyone have any old Cracked back issues and is willing to see whether we ever offered these back in the days when Cracked was a physical journal of intellectual curiosities instead of the shallow electric cesspool it is today? I don't think it'll work anymore, but if anyone wants to send me 50 Proof of Purchases for the web site, I'll see if I can send you something that you can pretend allows you to see rude titties.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.