Grab A Superhero Lamp And Stay Safe In The Dark Of Night
This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
At this point, many of us hang out with Robert Downey Jr. more than we hang out with our actual friends. That dude shows up just to say "Hey" in superhero movies that aren't even about him, and to be honest, we've devoted more time to him than we ever did to Ted who "just wants to get a beer sometime, man." The stories of flying people and their problems are plastered everywhere, and if you don't at least catch a glimpse of Batman's giant face during your day, it's easy to feel like you're missing out.
But no longer will we have to go a second without having our thirst for superhero iconography quenched. Now you can pay your tributes to a handful of memorable characters with 3D Illusion Lamps crafted in their likenesses. Here's who made the grade:
Tony Stark might not be naturally gifted with a kind demeanor or supernatural abilities, but we'd take money, wit, and genius intellect in a fight against Captain America's dinky shield any day. Did we mention that he also has a super suit armed with lasers and rockets? Iron Man might be a flying one-man armada, but his most dangerous features are his glib comments, highlighted by his permanent iron scowl. That's a robot face that says "I disapprove, and here's a joke about why." Stare into this highly accurate version of Iron Man's helmeted mug, and it'll eventually start to feel like Tony Stark is being sarcastic right at you.
It's strange that a psychotic billionaire can be considered the "relatable one," but that's what happens when everyone else possesses godlike capabilities. Batsy here has got none of that, unless you count his impenetrable plot armor, and that's why we love him. We could never have the brains of Tony Stark or the ruthlessness of the Punisher, but deep down, there's something telling us "If I can just get my startup off the ground, and also find some ninjas to train with, then yeah, I could be Batman." And you couldn't, but this lamp, which perfectly captures Batman's pointy ears and knightly visage in dense wireframe, can be bought here as a consolation.
Similarly to Batman, the Punisher operates in a vigilante capacity. But unlike the Dark Knight, he isn't afraid to fill his enemies with shrapnel, or knowingly commit brutal crimes to (somewhat paradoxically) clean up the streets. Frank Castle's bloodthirsty image has been re-molded several times from his purple-suited debut to whatever this is, but his iconic emblem has stayed remarkably consistent. For those who don't mind a little ultra-violence in their pursuit of justice, an illuminated 3D rendering of the Punisher skull is available.
If you're craving high school shenanigans in NYC, then nobody fits the bill better than Peter Parker. His arachnid abilities and quippy persona have gone through some dramatic changes over the years (if they keep up this pace of hiring new and younger actors, the next Spider-Man is going to be an angsty first-grader), but that doesn't diminish the webslinger's appealing humility and radioactive prowess. For a brilliant lamp that delicately recreates the iconic web mask in four different colors, look no further than this friendly neighborhood spider lamp.
A different kind of morally ambiguous antihero, Deadpool offers a breath of fresh air from the earnest soliloquies and altruistic intentions of more conventional superheroes. Although a gridded model of Deadpool's disfigured face would be something to see, we think a lamp with his logo makes for much wider appeal and a much more settled stomach. Light up your home with the most meta of metahumans by getting this wireframe lamp from our store here.
You can get any of these superhero 3D illusion lamps for 49 percent off their usual retail value -- just $49.99.
God's Lonely Man fears that which he cannot see in the Death Starry Night. But lo! Tesla: God of Thunder said, "Let there be light!" And there was.
For more ways to spruce up your crib, check out 10 Simple Buys To Take Your Home From Good To Great.