The election cycle is getting to that point where we wake up every day to a little groan aimed at the very existence of politicians. We've heard every insane claim, dubious debate strategy, and clearly suspect promise of every candidate, and the real race is just getting started. We, friends, are rapidly growing jaded.
And that is a shame. Because some of the comments our political animals keep spurting out are hidden gems of crazy that lead to strange rabbit holes which seem to descend into an everlasting spiral of weirdness. For your amusement, and also because I lost a bet with the other columnists, I decided to dive head first into one of them. Here's what I found:
It Starts With A Seemingly Independent Piece Of Madness
On the second day of this year's Republican National Convention, former presidential hopeful Ben "You still remember who I am, right, guys?" Carson gave a heartfelt speech about the dangers of political correctness and the benefits of godliness. But that's not what anyone remembers of the speech. No, it's the way he straight up told the world that Hillary Clinton is in cahoots with the devil.
Personally, I think that's pretty fucking metal, but from the context, it's clear that the esteemed Dr. Carson didn't mean to imply that the Democratic presidential candidate is planning to waltz into the White House to the sweet tunes of Ronnie James Dio. His argument was based around writer and community organizer Saul Alinsky, Clinton's old mentor and the subject of her senior thesis. Alinsky once wrote a book called Rules For Radicals, which had the gall to acknowledge Lucifer as "the original radical." You probably know what comes next.
"Man, don't drag me into this. Hell's a cakewalk compared to this election cycle."
Carson then took his version of logic and leapt over the shark so hard that Henry Winkler is considering legal action:
"This is a nation where our founding document, the Declaration Of Independence, talks about certain inalienable rights that come from our creator; this is a nation where our Pledge Of Allegiance says we are one nation under God. This is a nation where every coin in our pocket and every bill in our wallet says 'In God We Trust.' So are we willing to elect someone as president who has as their role model somebody who acknowledges Lucifer?"