The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama
You keep your liberal boners away from sweet Lady Liberty, pinko!
And while it could be said that stocking up on a small but furious country’s worth of firearms in order to fight a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude is a bit of an overreaction, some people see every act of this new administration as a sign of the impending apocalypse, no matter how retarded that might seem:
And He Shall Outlaw All Thine Weapons, and Probably Also Eat Thine Babies
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And He Shall Lead an Army of Eco-Friendly Child Warriors…of Death.
Conservative forum-members would just like you to know that Barack Obama firmly believes the children are our future, and he just wants to teach them well and let them lead the way… directly to his herd-culling gas chambers. Yes, in a move directly parallel to Hitler’s infamous Nazi Youth Program, Obama wants to pass legislation that would require all children to enroll in his own personal army.Say hello to your new overlords. What, you haven't heard of them? Psh. Yeah, you wouldn't have.
But even assuming Obama does use this proposed bill to gain access to a top-secret army of left-leaning twenty-somethings - that just begs another question: What are you more afraid of? Their deadly mastery of the Liberal Arts, or their uncanny ability purchase ironic T-shirts?Related: 5 'Eco-Friendly' Products That Failed In Hilarious Ways
And He Shall Go All Gay on Thee and Stuff
This is the face of terror!
If Obama’s unstoppable army of late-teen community servants doesn’t terrify you, what if I told you that he was actively recruiting serial killers en masse, in an attempt to effectively end the entire human race? Well, you can thank those noble internet watchmen of the Right Wing Forums for the heads up, because they're the only ones willing to bravely report the truth: That Obama is just about to kick-start the apocalypse...by accepting a new non-discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation, and so could theoretically admit homosexuals and transvestites into his cabinet. How long until hell follows with them?Holy shit…it all makes sense now! I’d be against Hulk marriage too, that shit’s an Abomination!
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And He Shall Transform unto a Panther of Black…and Hell Shall Follow with Him.
Say hello to your new president, the Black Panther, and his Secretary of State, hellfire.
The Black Panthers are politically active African-Americans, and - hell, do you even need to know any more? Isn’t that enough to be scared of already? Oh, and according to the Right Wing forums, they also desperately want to kill all the white people.- They’re both black.
- That’s it.
Wake up, sheeple!
But one brilliant poster has got it all figured out, and unfortunately for humanity, it comes full circle: It was all tied together, you see – the guns, the community service, the civil rights - his plan was so simple: First, he outlaws all the firearms so that God-fearing Americans are helpless, then he drafts a civilian army of homosexuals and children (led by the Black Panthers,) and proceeds to wipe out all the white people as racial vengeance for slavery! Good lord, it’s a revenge plan two hundred years in the making; so subtle and sinister that it makes Lex Luthor look like a retarded nun by comparison. What can you even do against something that epic, that brilliant, that evil? Isn't there anybody who can fight back? Well, lucky for you, there is somebody. Somebody that can keep a level head in the face of all this panic and terror. Somebody that can see something this intimidating:You can read more from Robert at his own site, I Fight Robots, but honestly? That's probably time better spent fortifying your barricades, for it's almost dark now and the Liberals - they mostly come at night...mostly.