Why Won't Americans Drink Tea?

Americans love waking up to gulp down as much jitter juice as they can get their hands on. But why is the only cold brew we like from a bean and not a leaf?

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In a move that shocked no one, China recalled another defective product this week. The twist this time is that the product was a children's toy called Aquadots, and the minor defect was that they are coated with the date rape drug.

Frankly, I’m having trouble believing this wasn't intentional. Tiny pill-shaped pellets coated in roofies and sold to American children? We've either got a lot more to fear from the Chinese than we thought or a lot less, because their toy manufacturers are clearly either evil or retarded, and I wouldn’t rule out both at this point. But honestly, what were they thinking? There’s no market for this product. Do you know how easy it is to get a kid drunk? All you need is like a thimble of Glenlivvet, not some fancy toy-pill. The worst/best part is that in
their official apology, the manufacturers apologized for “damaging the ‘Made in China’ label during the Christmas season.” THAT’S how devoted to industry the Chinese are. Look, China, it’s fine if you drug my son. Hell, if I didn’t break out the Nyquil now and again I’d never get a full night’s sleep. But at least apologize for doing it, and not for hurting your country’s GNP. On the plus side, Aquadots are now selling for hundreds of dollars apiece on eBay to frat houses across the country.

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