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I walked into Cracked Editor-In-Chief Jack O'Brien's office, worry etched on my face. It had been a while since I'd been summoned in to this wholly imaginary article-jumping-off-point, and every time it had happened in the past I had soon after ended up on a roller coaster ride of sorrow and gastrointestinal distress. "Bucholz, I've got bad news," he said, off to a good start. "We're running out of old things to make jokes about." "I see," I said, lying. "Do you know how many jokes we made about
Lethal Weapon last month?" he asked. I shook my head. "Twenty three thousand." I looked at him searchingly. "And is that�" "It is a little higher than normal, yes." I frowned, wondering how I was going to get out of the office without having to do any work. "I'm getting too old for this shit?" I asked, searchingly. Jack just shook his head sadly. "Fortunately, I've already come up with a solution." "Oh thank goodness," I said, getting up to leave. "Good work chief. Savvy and far sighted as ever." "Shut up and sit down. You're going to write an article on
Family Matters. I've just checked the Internet, and nobody has ever written anything about
Family Matters. This could be a big scoop for us." My face sunk. "Oh man. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard." Jack nodded, eyes damp. I sat back down and together we had a good cry. _______________ So I traveled to Chicago, the setting of TGIF mainstay
Family Matters. Arriving at O'Hare I proceeded to rent a car, opting for
the GPS system to help me navigate the unfamiliar city. Although my car, a 2001 Pontiac Sunfire, appeared to be made entirely out of plastic and disappointment, the aftermarket GPS system installed within it was surprisingly fancy. Flicking it on, I fiddled with the settings for a bit. The default voice was a grimly cheerful lady who I immediately disliked. I was amused to see a category for celebrity voices, although it was mostly empty. The voice for KITT was in there, which sounded like a great idea, until I remembered how much I hated that prick.