Bow Before Professor Aragon --- Lord of the Dweebs!


Scientists may be socially awkward and disturbingly virginal, but they really know how to have a good time. Case in point --- the recent discovery that the three foot tall Homo floresiensis is more akin to African apes than modern humans as indicated by its wrist. Normally, that would be a pretty boring story, but through their scientific imagination ---strengthened by years of visualizing Yeoman Rand engaged in steamy back door space action--- the scientists thought up a wacky way to report their findings to the press: Wrists Bones Show Hobbit Wasn't Modern Human! Why admit that you spend all day digging in the dirt and getting off on monkey bones when you can pretend you seek adventure and glory in Middle Earth? Also, when you give phone interviews like Matthew W. Tocheri of the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History, you can impress the ladies by saying cool things like:

'Basically, the wrist evidence tells us that modern humans and Neanderthals share an evolutionary grandparent that the hobbits do not, but all three share an evolutionary great-grandparent. If you think of modern humans and Neanderthals as being first cousins, then the hobbit is more like a second cousin to both.'
I'm thinking Tocheri's wordplay doesn't end there. Here are some other things Professor Science has likely renamed in his life:
  • Flashlight = Light Saber
  • Blow-Up Suzy = 7 of 9
  • Erectile Dysfunction = The Curse of Voldemort
  • Metal twist tie wrapped around index finger since 8th grade = One Ring To Rule Them All!
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