Kids these days are pussies. Wait, don't leave, I have a solution! Millennials were marketed action figures for straight-up R-rated movies like Terminator 2. Even the genital-blasting RoboCop got his own toy line. Granted, it was for the animated series, but he was still totally murdered in the intro. And if my data-scrolls are correct, children born before 1975 were issued handguns at birth and regularly played with munitions. Was this healthy? Maybe not. Did this help prepare everyone under 25 for the great stockpile wars of 2028? Time will tell. I guess what I'm saying is that children need more age-inappropriate material turned into dope-as-hell products their parents can blindly placate them with! Like these:

Snowpiercer

CRASEDDDOM SNOWPOERBER EURE O EXECUTIONER CURTIS 4+ WARNINGH TRAIN AGES CHOVNG SHOWDOWN A4305/A4301ASST.

Nightcrawler

ages 4+ FAEINA Records to up ploy bocke T or 15 minutes on computer, ofvideo! 315 4x DM O ERoRIM SD card slot for extros time recording & Easy compute

American Sniper

GRACKEDGOM BABY AMERICAN SNIPER

Django Unchained

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

CRACKEDGOM THCGIRL N DRAGON' TATTOO Minii Loprop 0600 SALANDER LISBETH LAPTOP EXPLORATION

John Wick

JOHN WIICK GRAGKEDGOM

Magic Mike

CRACAGES AGES .GOM MANIC MUSCLE! MONEYMAKER DRESS UP SETO 24P MONEYMAKERDRESSUPSET 2eet

Straight Outta Compton

8 Insane Kids' Toys You'll Wish Were Real

For more kids toys that children probably shouldn't have access to, check out 15 Unintentionally Perverted Toys Children and 6 Beloved 80's Toys With Bizarrely Horrifying Origin Stories because why should a child's life be any less horrifying than it already is?

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why Gak wasn't as innocent as it seemed in The Terrifying Conspiracy Behind Early 90's Kid's Toys, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook, because sometimes flaming us in the comments section isn't enough.

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Expand your movie and TV brain--get the weekly Cracked Movie Club newsletter!

Forgot Password?