The Man Was in Jungle Fever, for God's Sake
Science has long challenged the status quo, smashed our established belief systems and forced us to re-examine our core perceptions. Now, they have enacted a similar imposition of topsy-turveydom in their creation of the world's blackest material. Naturally, this discovery totally calls into question the world's previous holder of the title "blackest thing in existence," Wesley Snipes. My friends, I urge you—don’t do anything drastic. Suicide is never the answer, and though our ebony idol may face dethronement, he still deserves his rightful place among the universe’s blackest things. Snipes has an undeniable, immediate blackness, an intrinsic quality that even light-trapping carbon nano-tubes cannot diminish. In fact, a cursory comparison of the two may rebolster your flagging confidence in Mr. Snipes:
The circular material sample resembles a black dot. Snipes formed his own production company in 1991 called Black Dot Media.
Snipes has trained in Kung Fu and Capoeira, whereas microscopic carbon tubes are, as a rule, terrible fighters.
Snipes starred in Murder at 1600, Demolition Man, and the upcoming Gallowwalker. The carbon tubes did not.
In the film Passenger 57, Snipes delivered the classic line “Always bet on black.” The tubes have thus far delivered no punchy catch phrases (although to be fair they’ve only been in
existence for a few weeks).
When he's not blogging for cracked, Michael makes specious comparison videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!