I'm going to start this thing off nice and easy. And don't give me any shit for it -- even MMA fighters start off training for stamina long before they learn how to apply a rear naked choke. Funky Juice is my stamina training. This drink is from the 30 Rock episode "It's Never Too Late For Now" as a signature drink for Liz Lemon.
No surprise here, Funky Juice is just dripping with funk! The good kind of funk, though, not the one that means depressed or smelly. FJ results in neither of those, as a matter of fact. If I had one criticism, though, it would be that you have to balance the two just right for the perfect combination. If you use too much soda, you just end up with wine-flavored Sprite that doesn't get you hammered. If you use too much wine, you end up with a drink that tastes like the wine you left out the night before but your "fuck it" attitude told you to drink the flat-tasting swill the next morning anyway. We've all been there, right guys?
Once you get that perfect balance, though, you are left with a pretty delicious beverage. I've never had a wine spritzer, but I'm pretty sure this would be a second or third cousin to that. However, Bruno Mars didn't write any songs about "Uptown Spritzer," so I think the Juice is the clear victor here.