6 Super Friends Villains That Didn't Give a @#%*

Here's the plot: Gulliver and his unexplainedly intelligent cat Igor started shrinking the world's people, and when the Super Friends tried to stop him, he shrank them too. He even got his cat involved:

And hear me out-- if wrapping a blanket around a baby is a good idea then WE MUST PLACE ALL BABIES IN THE EARTH'S MOLTEN CORE!!!

The only thing greater than the opening of this cartoon is that the shrieking creature was obviously sitting there waiting to hatch at the exact moment a cosmonaut realized he was standing on an egg.

Look, we get that everyone on the team who isn't you is a little bit pointless, Superman, but when you're being attacked by something big and you're standing next to the guy whose power is exactly that, shouting "THIS IS A JOB FOR SUPERMAN!" is a lot like saying, "You're only here for the Native American employee tax incentives!"

"Wait a second, Batman. If this bat insect repellent is useless against insects, why have we been carrying tubes of it around in our body cavities? Batman? I deserve an answer, Batman."

Early in the episode, Superman wadded up a few million termites and threw them into space, but decided it was pointless since they were multiplying faster than he could toss. Granted, that might be because touching a swarm of insects that can curse at you in English probably gets really gross really fast. Luckily, at the end of the episode, Samurai turned into a tornado and threw a bunch of the termites into space while everyone joked. That ought to do it, right? No! It won't! Everyone's dead! Worse than dead! They have space termites wrapped around their remains and you just flung them into the cosmic void!

Here, let me sum up the episode in two panels:

It's good to know that after the Earth collides into cosmic facial hair, it will only take two professional super heroes and a computer several minutes to figure out what's going on. Apache Chief and Superman are looking right at a picture of Earth in a beard and they're still puzzling their way through it. "Superman. Earth's buildings are being demolished by pubic lice. There are trace amounts of soup in the atmosphere. My people do not grow hair of the facials, yet my Indian senses are warning me... this! May be a beard!"

If you know anything about Native Americans, it was pretty obvious how they were going to stop Colossus the second he showed up. Apache Chief uses every part of the buffalo, including the shrink ray:

I mentioned earlier that a cat being hit in the head with a paper airplane was the hardest shot anyone's taken in the history of the Super Friends. I wasn't kidding. Kids today are spoiled with punches to the face and flying kicks but in the '80s cartoon action heroes weren't allowed to commit any direct violence. So how did they fight? Well, the two most common forms of combat were mind rays and passionate embraces. This episode uses both, and it led to one truly unexplainable fight scene.

You know, a lot of what these guys are doing makes more sense once you realize they don't know what colors are and they can't count past zero.

The episode starts with them arriving at Earth and ready to rock. They immediately ignore the effects of the Bat Photon Immobilizer, defeat the Super Friends by playing guitar at them, and use their music to take over the minds of every Earthling in an eight foot radius. Oh, and spoiler alert: they suck.

The Rock and Roll Space Bandits are already balls deep in your brain before you bring your skull backstage.

How do you think? The Wonder Twins turned into a giant lobster and an ice satellite dish, of course.

And now, I really hope you deserve this, reader... The Rock n' Roll Space Bandits: