6 Images From My Life You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
Over the last year or so, Cracked's done a pretty good job of scanning the world to bring you the most inexplicably bizarre photos that --despite all indications to the contrary-- have not been photoshopped or altered in any way. And though this article series has done pretty well for the site, I can't help but feel that simply raiding my old photos would have been a lot easier. Behold fair readers, the wild and wondrous world of Gladstone! Horrifying. Strange. And utterly real.
6. That Mullet Was Actually Growing Out of My Head
5. Jean Shorts Plus Knee Socks? Yes!
4. Michael Swaim has Gigantism or DOB and G-Stone are Dwarves?
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Is that Michael Swaim's head cut out of the photo? Who's to say? That might not even be a human being. DOB and I probably just put some exercise clothes on an oak tree and posed for a picture, right? Or maybe we're on our knees because what are the odds that two of Cracked's treasured columnists would both be dwarves?I think I can see where you're going with this. Over a year ago, DOB started making the horrific mistake of standing next to Michael Swaim3. Wait, Dressing Like An Androgynous, Bi-Sexual Alien Won't Get You Laid in the Suburbs?
Here I'm all ready for a high school Halloween dance dressed as none other than David Bowie's 1972 creation, Ziggy Stardust. But wait. What's been done to this photo? Clearly the ten Syosset High School cheerleaders who rushed to fellate me after seeing me in costume have been photoshopped out of the picture. How could I possibly put on a bathrobe and some2. I Didn't Know They Could Gene Splice A Boy And A Disco Leather Pimp In The 80's?
Sure, the initial reaction to this pic is clearly: "Damn, I bet that hottie was cleaning up with all the pre-pubescent tail at his elementary school graduation. Too bad his testicles have not yet descended." But upon closer inspection, your next thoughts probably turn to the incorrect assumption that this picture was composed by cutting out the leather-clad legs of some 80's pop star (Michael Jackson, Prince) and then pasting them over the suit pants that match the sports jacket I'm wearing. A logical assumption because clearly those those two items could never exist together in real life.But you'd be wrong. This picture is totes legit. That fashion choice was actually made. I will say in my defense, however, that you really need to check out the tie. It's a skinny, gray, and leather, and it really pulls the whole ensemble together.1. But I Thought Gladstone Was Jewish?
Yeah. You'll have to ask my mom about this one.Subscribe to Gladstone's Hate By Numbers site or free iTunes download. You can also follow him on Twitter and Facebook.