This is the heart of the issue: That novel, screenplay, concept album, or series of butt-art inside you? You don't have to make it. No one's forcing you. Nobody even wants you to make it. So you don't have to come up with excuses anymore. Just give up, because this isn't the type of work you're cut out for.
Bus Stabber Jim is going to have adventures. He's too powerful a force to be contained by mere laziness. He will break free and terrorize the world, stabbing people in the backs of busses across the world. His adventures could've been yours. You could've controlled him. Harnessed him. Wielded him for your own purposes, whatever they are. But instead you made excuses, and someone else took charge of the bus stabbing, and the world's a worse place for it.
Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault that you suck. It's fine. Accept that you don't care enough to ever make anything cool. You're just a useless dolt. There. Doesn't that feel better?
You're Taking Too Much Advice
The Internet has roughly 10 times as many people giving advice as it does people who are actually making things. For example, me. Hello. Also for example, every comment below this article.
But this advice doesn't make sense without any context, so until you've actually tried making something, it's all gibberish. How far are you into your project? Is it your first one? Then stop reading right now and go finish it. None of this advice makes any sense until you have an experience to hold it up against. You have no idea if I'm completely full of shit or not until you've done something that you're proud of and you want to improve upon. You can't even begin to comprehend what, or who, I am.
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For all you know, I'm this.
Bus Stabber Jim is out there, in an alley. He's smoking a cigarette, stroking the blade of his knife, and chatting up a dame. The sickly streetlights cascade a filthy glow over both of them. The bus is approaching, and Jim's gonna lead this poor, innocent woman on board, and then what's going to happen? Will he stab her, and continue his streak of senseless violence? Or will his intended victim fight back, knocking the knife from his hands and wrestling him to the floor of the bus to pummel his face bloody with her kitten heels? Will the ruckus cause Hawkeye Steve to lose his focus on the road, and send the 336 Bus tumbling down a cliff, into a ravine full of rabid, overgrown sugar gliders? Will the driver, the stabber, and the damsel then be forced to work together to escape this dark fate? Or will nothing happen at all, ever, and will all your ideas -- some of which are even better than this Bus Stabber Jim nonsense -- come to nothing? Will all this and more be lost, like tears in the rain, or pee in a vat of Bud Light?
Spoilers: It's the second one, because you're wasting your life dicking around on the Internet instead of making something cool. God, you make me sick.
JF Sargent is an editor for Cracked and every bit as obnoxious in real life. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.
Need an extra kick to get out there and make art stuff? Read 5 Tips For Punching Writer's Block In The Face, and then go out there and work! Still here? Fine, here's one more: 5 Writing Exercises That Will Make You More Creative. Now go write!
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