5 Simple Tricks for Destroying Your Co-Workers
In these tough economic times, each of us is looking for ways to increase our earnings and secure our futures. While we'd like to believe that all it takes is hard work and talent, the bitter reality is that we need every advantage -- legit and otherwise -- to rise to the top. And that means you have to be ready to be a horrible person.Fortunately, like most people who read or write for the Internet, I am a terrible human being. Over the years, I've honed this talent, evolving from writing shitty little online comments to actually destroying other writers. Some of you newer to Cracked might not remember that we used to have a completely different slate of columnists - all of whom were obliterated by my fiendish, back-stabbing ways. I mean, think about it. How else could I keep this job? As my last column should have made clear, I'm not really funny and everything I say should be taken absolutely literally. So when some business affairs brought me to Los Angeles last weekend, I decided it was the perfect time to stop by the Cracked office, and secure my job via patented d-bag techniques. And now I can share these techniques with you, illustrating each with a real-world application to your friends here at Cracked. These tips will work for anyone. As long as you're a prick and out to destroy the competition, this 5 step process will move you to the front of the line, whether that is a line for blood bank donations, government cheese, or the third circle of hell.