I'm lumping these two resolutions into one because from what I can tell, they're by far the most common ones making rounds. For a few weeks after the year turns, everyone seems dead set on turning their perfectly fine barrel guts into sculpted six-packs , a decision that annoys me from practical standpoint (you'll lose volume, people!), not to mention the fact that everyone's at the gym when I drunkenly call them to help me chase the Cyrillic Bling Santa gang away.
Don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying either of those things are impossible. People get fitter and thinner all the time, however temporary the change might be. I'm just pointing out that the whole resolution route is, in fact, one of the absolute worst ways to get fit. As I have mentioned before, there's a whole host of reasons losing weight is harder than shitting an entire undigested turkey, ranging from your brain's tendency to want back the pounds you've shed to a horde of little things affecting your weight that you're powerless against. Do you really want to go up against all that crap during the only time of the year when absolutely everyone else is trying to do the same?
Come Monday, this is the line to your nearest 24 Hour Fitness.